Let's Read: "Christian Humber Reloaded"

[Lord Agent Dr. Vect]

Greetings, Children. Due to a moment of "Inspiration", Vect has decided to try a MSTing of an infamous fanfic.

Finding the right story was harder than he thought. He wanted to find a story in it's pristine format (non-MST format) while also of a format that doesn't make the reader question it as a Troll Fic (My Immortal levels of insanity). He's also unwilling to do anything nightmarishly horrifying (Celebrian, which he must tell you to not search for yourself lest you wish to sleep soundly at night without dreams of Orc Anatomy).

Luckily he found one that's appropriate enough for this topic. He also found three individuals able to do this.

"Hi-yoo!"
"Hi-yoo!"
"Hi-yoo!"

Introduce yourselves, would you kindly?

Avery: "Erm, I'm Avery 'Typhus' Tychus and I've read some stuff here 'n there. I totally never wrote Slash, 'specially with Batman and Rorschach."

Ahriman: "... I'm Ahriman of the One Eye. I'm a character from a setting where everyone's supposed to be gay for anyone, if the fangirls are right. Are they?"

Yeric: "Hestephael Yeric. In my setting, the happy little bald kid is the saviour of the world and romantic pairings are equivalent to soggy jigsaw pieces: Just jam 'em together no matter what they are and hopefully they'll fit because you want 'em to."

Very good. I should let you know what it is you will be reading. There are-
Avery: "'Scuse me, but is the mysterious narration needed? Shouldn't we just-"

How about I make you read the entire Sonichu saga, unedited?
*All three fall to silence*

But you know what? You're right. Let us continue. Welcome to...
(Link here: chr.nerdramblingz.com/?page_id=8 )

CHRISTIAN HUMBER RELOADED:
The Worst and Best Story Ever Written.

THE BEGINING

Yeric: "This is gonna be good..."
Avery: "Is it supposed to rhyme with Reckoning?"
Ahri: "How ironically fitting then."

They say the times of your life is your childhood, (yea-affirmation as in "yay!" vs. yeah-confirmation as in "yes, that is correct". Think before you post!) right,

Ahri: "The times of my life is currently 5:43 PM."

it’s more like a living hell if you ask me.

Avery: "Trust us, we know what hell is like."
Yeric: "Oh, it hasn't gotten THAT bad, now, has it?"

My family was killed by hunters when I was at least 2 months old.

Ahri: "We're reading Bambi?"
Yeric: "Oh, forgot to mention something. Heard something 'bout the character being a wolf or somethin'."
Ahri: "Oh... So we're reading Balto?"

My brother and I were spared for some damn reason.

Avery: "Not so much spared as 'We were small enough to hide under a tree'."

I was pretty much raised in a laboratory somewhere, we hated it in there because we had experiments conducted on us, when they killed my brother, that triggered my transformation

Avery: "What."

and in my rage I killed all the scientists in the lab and destroyed it when I was six years old.

Avery: "Again, what."
Ahri: "So, is it like, the security's armed with merely flashlights and t-shirts?"

So after that I was forced to flee into the woods. I had a tough time trying to join a pack but they didn’t’ let me because they thought I would be a threat.

Yeric: "I mean, what wolf doesn't destroy a lab facility by himself now and then?"

Boy, they were right when some hunters came and killed most of the pack,

Ahri: "I don't think Balto went like this..."

in anger I transformed and killed all but one hunter, he ran but I caught up ripped his fucking throat out in a bloody mess.

Avery: "So... Did he, like transform again or did he just do his trans-Actually, what the hell's the transformation like?"
Yeric: "The more you think about it the more painful it gets. And it's not exactly comfortable for my mind right now."

More hunters came I did the same thing but one escaped and I earned my reputation of Hunter Killer at ten.

Ahri: "I was also known as Dances in Plotholes!"

I was ambushed and critically hurt like I could barely even stand,

Yeric: "Well, you were doing pretty well so far."
Avery: "IT WAS SUPER EFFECTIVE!"

I walked into a village and collapsed on some random person’s door step;

Ahri: "The quaintest little village next to a secret lab I've ever been to, mind you!"

I finally passed out from all the pain, I was lucky to have lived.

Avery: "Not like Hunters 1-12, Those guys were pretty boned."

When I finally came around I was in front of a nice warm fire and I was bandaged up. I had food lying in front of me, since I haven’t had anything to eat for two months I ate all of it.

Yeric: "I'll take it humans weren't exactly nutritious and delicious."

---

Let's take a coffee break for now, alright?

Avery: "That's... Strangely generous."
Yeric: "It's like giving us water before the drought or something, right?"

[slashprower]

Cari: Why couldn't we have done this one? At least shit happens.

Lisa: And there's no creepy sex scenes...

Sarah: ...OR IS THERE?!?!?!?

Slash: Shut up, everyone. Anyway, Vect, this was really funny, you're a good MSTer, and I wish us both good luck with our fanfic work. Also, I caught that Bioshock reference. Clap, would you kindly?

Everyone: *claps*

Cari: Wait...

[Lord Agent Dr. Vect]

Alright, children. Break is now over. Settle back into your seats and do enjoy the free drinks that have been provided for you.

Avery: "You didn't put anything in 'em, right?"
Ahri: "Way ahead of you. I checked this for stuff earlier and it came up clean.
Yeric: "'Sides, this is something that Mr. Narrator would want us conscious for."

And now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's continue with Chapter Two

(Sighing, the trio begain drinking the cups of green tea they were provided with, regretting that they have nothing to spike it with)

---

THE BIRTH OF A SUPER SAYIN WORLF

All: *PFFFT!*
(They all wipe their mouths with their sleeves)
Avery: "Huhzuhbuh-Nyah?!"
Yeric: "Y'know, this makes things clearer... Sorta."
Ahri: "Like Worf from Star Trek was a Furry?"
Yeric: "Thank you for putting the image of a Klingon with cat-ears in my mind."

The people who found me were a little girl with her father, who were very kind to have helped me,

Avery: "Daddy, daddy! Can I keep it?"
Yeric: "Sure! Every girl needs a dangerous animal that's been killing every one of our village's hunters for years now."

the little girl gave me a name that was Fluffy,

Avery: "Like Fuzzington?"
Yeric: "Fluffnificent?"
Ahri: "Princess Chartruse Carolina III?"
Avery and Yeric: *Gives Ahri a curious look*

which I hated so her father gave me a better name that was Vash,

Avery: "Love and Peace! Except the complete opposite."
Ahri: "Aww, I liked Princess Chartruse Carolina III."


I liked it because who the hell would name a wolf Fluffy?

Avery: "I'd ask the same for the name Vash."
Yeric: "Well, you could always call him Vash the Dasher or something."
Avery: "That sounds like something from a Trigun/Sonic the Hedgehog crossover fanfic. Which there probably is one out there."

When I fully healed I went out with her father to go hunting, guess what happened I stepped in a bear trap and the trap’s jaws snapped on my leg but the jaw’s iron teeth shattered when they hit my leg.

Ahri: "Someone's been drinking their milk!"

The girl’s father got scared when that happened.

Avery: "Um, maybe adopting a wolf made outta friggin' titanium wasn't a good idea."

I used the scent on the trap to track the son-of-a-b**** who set it and I did, showing no remorse killed the b*****.

Yeric: "Censorship is the least of this story's problem."
Avery: "Son of a Barry?"
Ahri: "Son of a Burton?"

While I was asleep the village was attacked I woke up and saw both the little girl and her father get killed,

Avery: "Dammit, they got to them first!"

that caused me to speak my first words

Yeric: "Transformations are no problem, but it's Verbal Communication that's been really biting me in the ass."

“NOOO!



WHOEVER DID THIS WILL PAY DEARLY, BECAUSE I LOVED THEM?”

Avery: "You have to ask about it?"

I finally had enough rage to cause me to transform into a Super Sayin.

Yeric: "So..."
Avery: "Yep..."
Ahri: "Uh huh..."


I was very pissed off and lost all control of my body

Avery: "'Cuz I just had great control before then."

and I killed all the raiders and ate their guts, after that I left the ruined village after I buried the little girl’s and her father’s bodies.

Yeric: "Isn't it sweet that he never bothered to learn their names?"
Avery: "The bond between animal and man indeed."



Avery: "So... Isn't it supposed to be over now?"

I'm afraid not. This segment will last a bit longer than the previous one. So do sit back down. I promise though that you will all get a break after this one.

Yeric: "What's preventing us from just leaving here?"

Let's change stories, how's about it?:


All: _{"We'll be good."}

Very nice. Onward!

THE TURE MEANING OF FIGHTING

Ahri: "Suddenly Sonichu doesn't seem like-"
(Ahri is promptly slapped by Avery)
Avery: "No! NOTHING is worse!"

I was caught in a cage and was loaded onto a truck,

Yeric: "Those trappers must be pretty badass then to capture our hero."

which had no suspension what so ever when the truck went over rocks and logs, the people who captured me put a tarp over the cage to make sure I won’t find my way back to the forest.

Avery: "Because Super Saiyan powers only go so far."

When the truck stopped, the cage that held me was put into an arena and I found out I would have to fight in order to survive.

Ahri: "It's the, Eye of the Saiyan, it's the thrill of the fight. Rising up to the challenge of our rivals."

My first opponent was a German Shepard who almost killed me except when I use the arena’s walls to my advantage and I won, barely.

Avery: "Suddenly, Super Saiyan doesn't sound so awesome."

I was forced to fight for this guy who treated me with such cruelty, that I wanted to kill him so bad, so I played along with him until he made a fatal mistake,

Ahri: "You mean, besides adopting an uncontrollable bloodthirsty beast for dogfights and treat him like crap?"

I used him in order to realize my fighting potential, when he opened the cage to pet me,

Yeric: "Who's my adowable killing machine? Yes, you are! Yes you are!"

I grabbed his hand and dragged him in and brutally killed him.

Avery: "And it took me... How long?"

I had to run in order to live, one of his guys saw me and ran after me until I broke though a window and jumped off a cliff facing the ocean.

All: "Looks like we're gonna have to JUUUMP!"

---

Now we can take a break. Good job, children.

Avery: "So... Does it get worse?"
Yeric: "Well, if you have to ask then you've already answered your question.

[slashprower]

Cari: *lights cigarette* You know, there are a lot of interesting people in this world. People who love the idea of Super-Saiyan wolves. for instance. Who kill people in the least exciting ways ever.

Lisa: Are we supposed to like SS3 Balto?

Slash: I like how he can fuck up 10 hunters at once and almost lose to a German Shepard.

Sarah: I like how the fight scenes are the most poorly written, two-sentence deals ever.

Cari: I like how he uses cursing for emphasis but puts the words in the most random, least effective parts fucker of the sentence.

Slash: Godspeed, Avery. Godspeed.

[Lord Agent Dr. Vect]

Well, thanks for the response. So far there's no creepy sex scenes (I hope so). I'll just censor it when the moment comes by.

Avery: "Do we really need to go that far?"

Yeah, I guess the audience is mature enough to-

Avery: "No, I mean do we really need to read through sex scenes? I mean, the main character's a friggin' wolf!

Oh yes. You will have to weather through the entirety of the Christian Humber Saga. If the other characters are going through Mary-Sue on Link action, you'll be going through Wolf on... Well, I don't wanna finish that sentence, but you get the idea.

Avery: "NOOOOO!!!"

(Clinging onto Yeric for support, Avery began to let it out as she cried upon his shoulders. Yeric for his part began to pat her back... And slowly moves his hand down to a more pleasant region, upon which he gets a kick to the shins.)

Ahri: "Critical hit to the shins!"

Well anyways, now that the drama has concluded let's continue on with our little journey through one presumably young man's descent into madness. Sit your bottoms onto your chairs and let's pick up where we last left off...

---

MY HUMAN FORM ACHIEVED

Avery: "Took you this long?"
Yeric: "Going from Super Saiyan *clears throat* I mean, Sayin to human seems like going 1 mile forward and half a mile backwards.

I blacked out when I was in the water for some time; I was found when I washed up on shore by some strange creatures collecting shells on the beach.

Ahri: "Oh, please! I bet they're just gonna sell 'em at the nearest beach shack."

When I regained my senses I was in a hut.

Avery: "If you just regained your senses, how did-never mind..."

I tried getting up but I couldn’t because I was battered around in the ocean for three weeks. I tried again and I moved about three feet before collapsing again.

Yeric: "Some Super Saiyan."

The creature who found me bandaged all my wounds up with leaves from a plant.

Ahri: "Too bad it was a cactus."

I woke up to find it watching me. I tried to ask “where am I and who the fuck are you?”

Avery: "Because that's just the perfect thing to say to strangers."

It spoke in a language I’ve never heard before, but I could understand it,

Ahri: "Linguistics DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!!!"

it said “you’re on the island of Matanui and I’m a Matorin, called Takua, what’s your name?”

Avery: "Is... Is that Bionicle? That's Bionicle, isn't it?"
Ahri: "Good job! You deserve a pat on the head for getting that right!"
Avery: "You know, I'm now unsurprised why no one in your setting likes you..."

I said “I have no name, but I go by Vash.”

Yeric: "I'm confusing like that."

He said “that’s a good name, but I’ve never seen your kind before, so you’re the first of your kind to ever land on this island.” I said “I need to understand myself and my anger,

Avery: "There lots of things for you to understand. Plot."
Yeric: "Details."
Ahri: "How to actually write more than 'I saw 'em and and I killed 'em'."

but I don’t know how to.”

Yeric: "Surprise of the century!"

He thought for a moment and said “I know who can help you, but I’m not sure what she’ll do or say”

Avery: "Maybe something like 'What the hell is that thing doing here?! Stinks of blood!' or something like that."

I said “don’t worry about it, I think I can make her understand…somehow”

Yeric: "I'm charming like that."

he believed me and took me to her.

Avery: "Lego pieces aren't too sharp, I'll take it."
Ahri: "Well, they do have pointy corners."

He bowed in front of her and said “Toa Gali, this creature wants you to help him understand himself”

Yeric: "Oh, sorry. Didn't notice you there."

she said “it is certainly strange but I’ll try to help him as best as I can.” After that I did go though a lot of mental training.

Avery: "Push it to the limit..."
Ahri: "Thinking hard above it all.
Yeric: "Not that I was thinking when I wrote thiiiis!"

When I finished that, she wanted to see what I learned in the mental training and I finally found my human form.

Avery: "That was... Underwhelming."
Yeric: "Your first mistake was expecting more."



MY TRUE POWER UNLEASHED

Avery: *Facepalms*
Yeric: My sentiments exactly.

She sent me to go train with the other toa to understand my powers.

Ahri: "I learned how to have my arms and legs switch places."

Every time I finished my training with a toa, I would learn something new about myself and the toa who trained me,

Avery: "I learned about the Strength Within."
Yeric: "About Friendship."
Ahri: "About Love..."
one of the hardest training to do was to race the toa of stone, with a bolder tied to my back, and heavy stones tied to my arms and legs.

Yeric: "I still won because turns out Stone wasn't all that fast."

As I got stronger the weight increased, soon as he took the rocks off me, I raced him and almost won.

Avery: "Y'know, if you're a Saiyan, this wouldn't have been a problem."
Yeric: "Here in Mata Nui we're about the shoulda, not the coulda."

The last toa to train with was the toa of earth,

Ahri: "Isn't it kinda redundant to have both a stone and earth guy?"

every day he would take me into a mine and have me try to punch though solid rock,

Yeric: "It must've been harsh for your titanium skeleton."

while I was training with him a rahi attacked us and with my battered hands and feet I kicked the rahi though solid rock,

Avery: "THIS! IS! STU-PID!

he tied the heaviest metal to my arms and legs. After all the weight became so light I finished all my training.

Yeric: "No biggie. It was only the heaviest metal around."
Ahri: "THEY CAN'T STOP US LET 'EM TRY! FOR HEAVY METAL WE WILL DIE!"

After I emerged from the mine all the toa were standing in front of me, Takua was there too and said “show us what you learned during your training.”

Yeric: "Tie rocks to your arms again."

I did this time I went Super Sayin on command and all my wounds healed very quickly.

Avery: "We taught you all of that? Damn, we're awsome."

While I was training I learned how to use a sword.

Yeric: "Ten says it'll either be a Buster Sword or Zangetsu ripoff."
Avery: "Ten says it'll have a Japanese name."

---

[Lord Agent Dr. Vect]

And welcome back. And for those who worry about our participants, don't worry. They're doing this voluntarily.

Avery: "Like hell! We're doing this because you can't be assed enough to write your own goddamn fanfiction and-

ANYWAYS, let's continue on with the story here.

Also, thanks to readers out there. Your amusement at this little endeavor helps the trio soothe the pain somewhat.

---

CHAOS

Yeric: "I'd say that's a pretty apt description for everything up to this point."
Ahri: "And many more..."

After I left Matanui a portal appeared out of nowhere and shadows snatched me and pulled me in.

Avery: "Aperture Science, we'll screw you around because we can..."

I blacked out, when I woke up I was holding a sword that I’ve never seen before,

Yeric: "And trust me, I've seen a LOT of swords."

before I could drop it, it stuck its tentacles into my wrist and caused me to lose control of my body.

Avery: "PLEASE don't involve Urotsukidoji, please, for the love of god..."

I was forced to fight against a lot of innocent people and creatures. The thing that had me I heard it is called Chaos.

All: "Hi, Chaos."

ESCAPE FROM CHAOS

All: "Bye, Chaos."

I used my will power to fight against it

Avery: "Must... Think... Of kittens! Covered with spikes!"

and I succeeded after that I fled which was actually harder than the hardest mineral I’ve punched though.

Yeric: "And don't get me started on the ones I kicked someone through."

When I escaped I had to go into hiding. I was still connected to it but I found out how to purify my soul by showing kindness,

Avery: "Pfff-Ah ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, glorious laughter..."

which was hard because the darkness in my heart wanted to kill everyone.

Ahri: "You had one in the first place?"

I’ve soaked in purifying springs and attended church that got rid of the tainted power in me. I finally escaped Chaos.

Yeric: "Redemption 101 there, kids: Take bathes and go to church and everything will be forgiven."
Ahri: "Even mass murders?"
Yeric: "Even mass murders."

MEETING SPIN

All: "You spin me right round, baby right round, baby right round baby right round right round..."

I had no money so I had to become a bounty hunter, in order to get money for food and water.

Yeric: "I tried to get an accounting position, but that all went to hell at the interview."

Some of the people wanted me to kill world leaders like, the one who started the Holocaust, that’s right I had to assassinate Hitler,

Ahri: "So THAT'S why the called it Wolfenstein!"
Avery: (Slaps Ahri over the head for the awful pun) "But seriously, this is starting to piss me off. I mean, the combination of historical inaccuracy and, well... I gotta... I gotta... I gotta go punch some kittens after this is done."
Yeric: "Assuming of course you last that long.

and I got a huge bounty for doing it, after I got the money I killed the person who hired me.

Yeric: "'Cuz that's always good for business."

I had enough money to get a weapon; I got a sword because I know how to use it.

Avery: "Never got the handle on those newfangled guns..."

Another portal opened and I fell in and landed in a different world,

All: "Whee!"

I landed and began exploring, I fell into a trap that disables your powers,

Yeric: "As opposed to the other times where you could've Super Saiyan'd your way outta there?"

I began to swear a lot in frustration,

Avery: "Way ahead of ya, pal."

I stopped when a tall hedgehog

Avery: "No... No... NO! NO! NO! You fucking-I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU ALL! I CAN DO IT! I SWEAR I CAN! GREAT... RAPTOR JAYSIS I... ARRGH!"
Yeric: "Whoops, seems our girl here's been broken."
Ahri: "There there. I'm sure it'll all..."
Avery: *Sigh* "Sorry, I... Just had to let it out. When you get Sonic involved, you've pretty much smashed through the bottom of the barrel in fanfics and started tunneling. Anyways..."

was staring at me, and asked “how’d you get in that trap?”

Ahri: "Because I was high. Still think drugs are cool?"

I told him what happened to me, but keeping my sword ready for any sign of danger, he got me out of the trap,

Yeric: "No probs, armed angry stranger."

I was about to thank him, when a robot appeared and I slashed the robot in half with my sword.

Avery: "But... I just wanted to... Learn how to Love..."

He asked me “what’s your name?” I told him “Vash” he laughed I asked “what’s so funny about my name?”

Yeric: "Because I was thinking about this rash I got and..."

he said “Vash isn’t a name for you, hmmm…” then he said “how about you go by the name of Blade”

Ahri: "No! Princess Chartruse Carolina III!"

I said “Blade?” he said “(yea-affirmation as in "yay!" vs. yeah-confirmation as in "yes, that is correct". Think before you post!), because you’re the only wolf I know who can weld a sword like a pro” I asked him

Avery: "You'd think with the whole 'Quadrupedal Creature' thing it'd be a problem but..."
Yeric: "And Welding's pretty iffy stuff. I mean, have you ever tried taking a blowtorch to a sword?"

“I haven’t heard your name yet, so what is it?” he said “the name’s Spin, Spin the Hedgehog” I said “Glad to meet you”

Avery: "..."
Yeric: "Um... Avey?"
Avery: "This... This is it... I... I've gone beyond the Despair Event Horizon for this fic. I... I like to think that there was something resembling potential here. It... It will never get better, right?"
Ahri: "Well... There are more chapters still. Maybe something picks up somewhere along the line. Like say... Getter Robo?"
Avery: "Well... We'll just have to see..."

---

[slashprower]

Cari: So, this is a story about a Super Saiyan wolf who spent his childhood in a lab and killed a bunch of people for the girl he considered his master, only to almost die and wash up on a beach where Bionicles tend to his wounds, teach him how to turn into a human, and put him through intense training. And now he has a magical sword and is going to kill Hitler with the help of Sonic rip-off #5948230.

Slash: HOW IS THIS NOT AWESOME

Sarah: Actually, I'm pretty sure that it's more of a human-wolf form like the animals in Sonic games.

Lisa: It may have slightly better grammar, but I think that this is actually a worse structured story than My Immortal.

Slash: *gasp*

[Lord Agent Dr. Vect]

Now that you've had time to... Recuperate, how are you, Avery?

Avery: "I'm... Good. I'm prepared to weather the storm. That was more a Berserk Button being hit."
Yeric: "We'll keep an eye on her."

Good. Now onwards!

---

THE WAR AGAINST THE EGGMAN EMPIRE

Yeric: "A gripping War Documentary about the horrors of the Eggman Empire."
Avery: "With haunting recollections by her royal highness Princess Sally."

Later I heard from Spin, that I was on Mobeus and there’s a terrible war going on, the one who started the war was a guy named Dr. Robotnick(or called Dr. Eggman).

Ahri: "But his friends get to call him Bill!"

After I heard about that I wanted to kill Eggman, but I didn’t show it.

Yeric: "I'm trusting like that."

I met up with a group called the Freedom Fighters and presented myself to them and they said “you can’t be a freedom fighter unless you can fight”

Avery: "Freedom is optional of course."

that irritated me but I accepted it, until I had to jump in to help them fight against the waves of enemy robots. They asked “what are doing here? Your going to get your self killed!”

Yeric: "Don't you know? You can only destroy them by jumping on top of them!"

I said “just watch me” with that I transformed into a Super Sayin and with one blast of energy I destroyed the enemy attack force with no effort at all. They were surprised when I did that.

Ahri: "Not that I was, despite this being the first time I did that."
Yeric: "I'm awesome like that."

THE BATTLE AGAINST THE VISORAK HORDE

Avery: "Hold on, didn't he leave the Bionicle setting?"
Yeric: "How do you know it's Bionicle?"
Avery: "I... Well, my little brother loved that stuff. Yeah. Totally."

After I became a freedom fighter, I got transported to a strange city covered with strange webs,

Yeric "For your first assignment, you-Whoa, where'dya go?"

I made sure I wouldn’t fall into another trap by keeping my eyes and ears open for any sign of danger,

Yeric: "I'm careful like that."

well I did get into some danger, by being spotted by a strange spider-like creature, boy that was a big mistake,

Avery: "Turns out going in front of the sights of a giant arachnid wasn't being careful at all."

the next thing I know I’m dodging their projectiles, I pulled my sword out and with my speed I ran up a wall on a building and swung. When my sword hit one of the b******s my sword broke in half, and in my head I said “oh shit I pissed it off, this time I’m screwed”

Ahri: "Arbitrary censorship GO!"
Avery: "Dammit, my sword may be able to bisect robots, but spiders are a whole 'nother business!

the thing I hit with my sword turned and launched its projectile at me I closed my eyes expecting impact,

Yeric: "Because getting out of the way would be too easy."

felt no pain I opened my eyes and something was standing in front of me in the way and deflected the shot right at the thing that shot at me.

Ahri: "Aww, it just wanted to play ping-pong!"

I said ‘thanks for getting me out of that mess, but what the hell are you” it said nothing, I asked again this time louder, and it finally spoke “you were lucky but next time be more careful”

Yeric: "Also, I heard you the first time, 'k?"

I asked what are you?” it said “I’m a toa horkeita, half hero half beast” I asked what were those that attacked me?” it said “those are Visorak they are responsible for my appearance.” I asked it what its name is, it told me its name is Matau, I nearly screamed “Teruga, Matau, last time I saw you, you were as tall as a Matorin, now you’re taller than me!, what gives?”

Avery: "... Um... I'm totally not familiar with any of this."
Yeric: "Really?
Avery: "Yep. Totally... Yep."

he said “me, Teruga, no, not never.” I realized I went way back in time, to the destroyed Metru Nui.

All: "LET'S DO THE TIMEWARP AGAIN!!!"

I said “I need a new sword in order to help you.” He said if a forge is still intact Vakama will try to make you one.” I met the others and I told them who I am and how I got here, they listened and I showed Vakama my broken sword, he examined it and made a mold for a sword. His forge was mostly intact, I found out he had some great konoka disks hidden in his forge and I helped him make it.

Ahri: "Konoka? Isn't that one of the girls from Negima?"
Yeric: "Didn't know you were a fan."
Ahri: "I'm not. I... I read it once... For science!"

It took us a while and we finished it but the toa couldn’t come up with a name for it, I came up with the name Tetsume, they liked it, but I had to make a thing that only I could use it I grabbed it and heated the blade up and cut my finger on it and put a drop of blood on it to symbolize only I could use it.

Avery: "Because no one else will use a sword I cut myself on."

---

[slashprower]

Okay, this is terrible. What happened to Hitler? Why are we jumping between Sonic and Bionicle? What happened to the demon sword Chaos? Who is Spin? What in the bleeding hell is going on?

And, of course, I don't know anything about Bionicles either...It's not like I have a million of the old ones in a bag in my closet...*cough*

Well, your new chapter plus the dramatic reader Man Without A Body's updates makes me ready to tackle another chapter of Terrible Mary Sue on Link Action.

[Lord Agent Dr. Vect]

Yo ho ho there, fellow readers! We continue our literary exodus and-

All: GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!!

---

TETSUME’S FIRST TEST

Yeric: "What is your name?"
Avery: "What is your favorite color?"
Ahri: "Why in hell are we here?"

I found the perfect way to lure one to me, I set a trap for one by plucking a thread of silk, drawing at least 5 to me I pulled Tetsume out and struck it worked I killed one of them again they shot at me but I went super Sayin and cut each one of them in half.

Yeric: "I'm clever like that."
Avery: "And again, Super Saiyan solves everything. Problem is that he doesn't use that immediately."

I said to Tetsume, “Congratulations Tetsume, you passed the test.”

Ahri: "Now onto math!"

I turned to the toa and said “now that I’m ready, lets go open a can of whoop-ass” they didn’t know what that meant so I told them “it means lets go beat the living shit out of the visorak” they agreed to my idea.

Yeric: "They don't know whoop-ass but they know beat the living shit."
Avery: "Linguistics are indeed something amazing."

THE FINAL BATTLE AGAINST THE HORDE

Yeric: "Actually, always been a Horde supporter."
Avery: "For Thrall!"
Ahri: "Blood and Thunder! Lok'Tar Ogar!"

The toa showed me where the main entrance nest was I saw a lot of guards patrolling the entrance to the nest I told the toa “I’ll act as a decoy while you guys infiltrate the nest” they agreed to my plan, and we carried it out.

Yeric: "Step 1: Have the living god act as a meatshield."
Avery: "Step 2: Have him own everything."
Ahri: "Step 3: Dance to the Neverending Story theme."

I actually had fun being the decoy; I insulted them by calling them ugly.

Yeric: "I'm awesome like that."
Avery: "That's... That's great trash-talk right there. That and it's for a buncha spider-thingies that'd totally undestand."

After I lost them I found the toa and looked for anything that would really piss them off and I saw the Matorin capsules. I told the toa this “I’m about to do something very stupid so don’t try this at home.”

Avery: "As opposed to the other stupid things you've done?"

I jumped from my hiding place and landed on their web attracting all their attention to me. I was right about how to piss them off;

Ahri: "Wow, they're really sensitive 'bout that ugly thing."

I had a lot of fun dodging their attacks. I got hit by the red one’s projectile; it felt like I was burning up but that didn’t stop me from going psycho and I did.

Avery: "Because I was just stable before,"

I killed most of them when I saw the toa in danger I jumped up there and kicked the visorak off the web and while it was falling I blasted it. I went with the toa and found their leader, who is a big, ugly son-of-a-b****.

Yeric: "Dude still hasn't gotten censorship right."

The toa told me to not fight along their side, I was about to protest when they told me it’s their fight I said “if you need some help, just call me” the toa fought pretty well except when some visorak entered the fight, so I entered the fight just to kill the visorak,

Avery: "So hollering up at me? Didn't matter at all."

after that I saw the toa getting beaten, so I went against what Vakama told me and entered the fight just to hold him off long enough for the toa to combine their attacks into one, but the blast didn’t even scratch him, I told the toa “try it again” they did but this time I also used my power to help the blast this time it almost killed him so I used Tetsume and killed him.

Yeric: "That's teamwork right there: Do it again. Yay we did it."

THE BIRTH OF TAKANUVA: THE TOA OF LIGHT

Avery: "Sounds promising. Just dandy."

I got a call from Tahu Nuva, when I returned to Matanui I went to Ta-Koro to see why I was called for; I found out that Takua is the chronicler and that he found a strange mask.

Avery: "As opposed to all the other masks by everyone else?"

The mask I found out is the Great Mask of Light and I went with Takua and Jalar to find the seventh toa, I saw one of the ugliest creatures I’ve never seen before called Rahkshi, one of them is the reason I’m insane, the one that did that to me was the white Rahkshi.

Yeric: "It's the demon's fault that I totally flip out and kill people. Totally."

I defeated it with ease.

Ahri: "Like I always do."

I was almost killed by them in the Kini in the center of Matanui when a golden light shown and disabled them when I looked up I saw a golden toa but when I looked deeper,

Avery: "I went from defeating them easily to needing a plot device to avoid being killed."
Yeric: "I'm awesome like that."

I saw a Matorin, I saw it was Takua. He said “I am Takanuva, the Toa of Light!” I met a very funny Matorin named Tammu, he taught me a good insult and I still use it.

Yeric: "Because that's totally relevant."
Ahri: "Also, you're ugly."
Yeric: "Says the one-eyed midget."

---

[slashprower]

Cari: Worst. Trash-talking. Ever.

Slash: This is so incredibly stupid that I can't...I don't even...Christ.

Sarah: I like how all of the fight scenes are basically "i killed it becuz i'm kewl".

Lisa: Still, I think I'd rather stay here and review this than go back and review that terrible lemony Zelda fanfic.

Slash: Just for that, we're doing a double update today.

[Lord Agent Dr. Vect]

Oh, guten tag, and welcome to "Let's Read: 'Christian Humber Reloaded'"

Avery: "As long as it's not Christian Weston Chandler..."

---

THE MAGUN IS DISCOVERED

Avery: "Magun?"
Yeric: "Sounds like someone's too lazy to write Machine Gun."
Ahri: "Sounds familiar somehow..."

While I was trying to find some lightstones I found something extremely cool, but when I touched it, it reacted and fused to my arm, and three bullets appeared,

Ahri: "... No."
Avery: "Hold on... Think I might remember this from"

I took them and showed them to Teruga Nokama, she said “this thing you found is very unique, but we have never seen it before” then Sidorak appeared and the thing on my arm reacted and something came over me that caused me to say “Soil, is my power”

Ahri: "_rrrrrrrrRRRRrrrrAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!! YOU! YOU... CLOACA! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS! RIP AND TEAR! EX-TER-MI-NATE! EX-TER-MI-NATE! ESTUANS INTERIUS IRA VEHEMETI ESTUANS INTERIUS IRA VEHEMETI-"
Yeric: "Personal?"
Avery: "It's... It's from "Final Fantasy: Unlimited". It's an anime series based on you-know-what. Ahri is Half You-Know-What."
Yeric: "Hardly something to be in frothing rage over-"
Avery: "Vash learns the Avatar State."
Yeric: "-That's different. He's part of an amalgam series while I'm part of an original-."
Avery: "Anyways we need to simmer him down."

(Grabbing one of Ahri's hair-spikes, Avery pulled down, resulting in Ahri twitching his fingers and ticking his eyes for a moment.)

Ahri: "Hmm? Bah? Um... Thank you for your service."
Avery: "And on with the suffering."


and it transformed into a gun and I said “the Magun has thawed” then I also said “the soil charge to be used against you has been decided, the thing that mows everything down, Storm blue, the thing that erases all color, ash grey and finally the thing that drops you into eternal darkness, silent black”

Yeric: "Those have got to be the most polite spider-monsters ever to let him do all that talking."
Ahri: "Oh, you can always draw out time just by going into a monologue. Classic genre knowledge."

it started pulsating “Destroy, I summon you, Atomos!” I fired it and the shots went in to the clouds and a huge eye appeared and slowly opened and began to suck everything up.

Avery: "Well, Dust Devil and Hoover: Move outta the way."

I realized I summoned Atomos: the living black hole, I yelled “get underground now!” and the toa did. Because I summoned Atomos most of the trees were ripped out, I apologized for what happened,

Yeric: "I'm charming like that."
Avery: "Sorry for summoning the tear in space that could've enveloped us into nothingness."

I later found out I used the Legendary Magun, I went back to where I found it and found a strange belt with the same kind of bullets in it and a shotgun. Inscribed on its handle was carved “Blade, take my weapons and I will help you in battle against your old enemy-Kaze” I asked my self “how’d he know about me, and about Chaos?”

Avery: "How'd you know about him? You never even met the guy!"
Yeric: "Obviously you underestimate Facebook."

then I heard a voice in my head say “I know you from the things you’ve done, for I am your guardian” I said “my…guardian?” “Yes, that’s right, your guardian” I said “cool, hold on, who made you my guardian?” he said “your father chose me to protect you from the darkness,

Ahri: "Ah, it always comes back to the father."
Avery: "You mean the otherwise average wolf that died within the first paragraph?"

but I couldn’t protect you from the warp, I died fighting your corrupted self” I said nothing then he said “I lodged three purifying bullets in your chest”

Yeric: "How's that different from shooting him?"
Avery: "And what's the difference between his Evil Side and Non-Evil Side?"

THE FIGHT AGAINST CHAOS BLADE

Yeric: "You fight a sword?"
Avery: "Sure, why not?"
Ahri: "Wonder how many chose those words about this story?"
Avery: "Does the author count?"

I asked Kaze what I was like in my corrupted form he told me “really ugly, and very violent.”

Avery: "Oh, those be fightin' words, son."

I was going to ask Kaze what the gun on the belt was called but before he could answer a portal opened and a figure stepped out and he told me who the guy was. I pulled Tetsume out and he pulled a sword that I recognized as the same sword that caused me to lose control of my body,

Ahri: "The Wheel of Fate is Turning! Round One... Ak-Shun!"

The Slayer of Souls. I said in my threatening voice “so, we meet at last ugly” putting it lightly. Kaze was right about how ugly he is. I said “Your move, ugly”

Yeric: "These are some sensitive mega-badasses here."

with that comment he rushed head on in rage, boy he made the worst mistake by striking head-on,

Avery: "Apply directly to forehead. Like a wall."

I used my speed to get behind him, but he moved and got behind me so I whipped Kaze’s shotgun out and pointed at point-blank at his head and fired but missed,

Ahri: "That there's a Kennedy Shot: Managing to miss point-blank with a Shotty."

he struck and cut my arm off holding Tetsume. He really regretted that by having me use the Magun as a super Sayin. I used Odin that time, killing my corrupted self.

Avery: "Alright, done with killing evil self. Who's up for nachos?"

[Lord Agent Dr. Vect]

Well everyone? How've you been?

Avery: "Assy."
Ahri: "What she said."
Yeric: "Meh."

(At the sound of Yeric's voice, the others moved their seats a bit further from him.)

Yeric: "What?"

Um, well... You're an Airbender, right?

Yeric: "Yes..."

You erm... Ever wished that you took after your mother-

Yeric: "Oh. OH... That... Well, that's got nothing to do with this. This is just something I do for reasons I'm not sure of. Let's just get this over with, m'kay?"

Avery: "Um... Alright."

---

THE ULTIMATE WEAPON DISCOVERED

Avery: "The BFG-9000?"
Yeric: "The Sword of a Thousand Truths?"
Ahri: "Excalibur, Excalibur~"

I had my arm replaced by a robotic arm and I got the hang of using it. I had an encounter with a gang and I scared them off by punching though a wall without even trying, the second time was I crushed a member’s skull with one hand, and for the final encounter with the gang, I tortured all of them by skinning them alive and hung them on a wall still alive.

Avery: "Edward Elric, eat your heart out!"
Yeric: "Because that's totally fitting."

Every gang that came across me ended up skinned or decapitated. I as I was finishing off a gang a portal opened and threw something out of it and hit me straight in the forehead, it hurt a little bit, when I looked at what hit me in the forehead, I found a strange jewel, I identified it as the Shikon Jewel, but white as snow, that confused me because the Shikon Jewel is pink, but white, that makes no fucking sense at all.

Ahri: "In this crazy world, what makes any fucking sense?"
Avery: "For one: How the hell does he know what the Shikon Jewel is?"
Yeric: "Easy. The author watched the show on Cartoon Network."

I decided to keep it and understand why it is white; the Magun reacted to it and the White Shikon Jewel did the same. When a demon that I recognized as my brother appeared I was a bit confused, but when he attacked me I realized he was corrupted by Chaos, a foul demon who took my brother’s body.

Avery: "Oh hi, bro. Time for me to skin you alive now."
Yeric: "Awkward reunion."

That is when the Magun and the White Shikon Jewel became one and I fired it with out the soil charges, it destroyed his body and the demon, but the jewel was grey when it got spit out of the Magun.

Avery: "Apparently Magic Jewel = Magical Bolter Shell."

TETSUME BREAKS

Avery: "Whoops."

My corrupted self appeared again, I fought him and when he struck with the Slayer of Souls, it broke Tetsume in half, which caused me to transform into a killing machine,

Yeric: "And this is different how?"

the only thing that stopped me was a little girl and her father, she told me “don’t kill anymore, because, I love you.” That caused me to regain my senses; I said “I like you too, Soku.”

Avery: "So who the hell is she?"
Yeric: "A convenient plot device."
Ahri: "A Girl and her Bloodthirsty Wolf-Saiyan-Person. What a beautiful story."

After that I had Tetsume repaired by using one of my fangs and everyone I walked by would run and hide as if I was still on my killing spree. I told everyone “You don’t have to be afraid of me any more, because I learned when my sword is taken from me or broken I become that ruthless beast.” After I said that a robbery happened, I regretted dropping Tetsume and transforming, but I did show the burglars this: when you see me drop my sword, run as fast as you can, because if I catch you, you’re fucked.

Yeric; "Because activating your berserk trigger in the public is totally a good idea."

I tried to understand my ruthless side but I couldn’t. I went to Japan to find someone who could help me but I was not welcomed, so I welcomed my self by beating the living crap out of the emperor, which was fun, especially when he tries to fight back, that taught Japan not to keep me out because I would again beat the shit out of the ruler.

Yeric: "Because beating up the local leader is just great for your image."
Avery: "Man, I wonder what'd happen if he went to Russia back when Putin was around."

BETRAYED BY SOKU

I was buying some food for dinner when I was attacked by the police; I knew they couldn’t find me, I asked myself “who the hell told them I was here, living in peace? And why?”

Avery: "Oh, come on! You know that you'd totally kill the cops just for telling you not to loiter!"

I returned to Soku’s house and asked “who told the cops I was here?” Soku said “I did, I had to because I was offered a large bounty for your head, I’m sorry for betraying you, I couldn’t pass up the reward.” I wanted to kill her but I made a promise not to kill anymore, so I couldn’t.

Yeric: "Well, Story's over. No more killing means-"

REVENGE AGAINST SOKU’S FAMILY

Yeric: "Oh."
Avery: "This is gonna be fun to watch."

I let the police take me but I told her in a deep threating voice “you will regret betraying me” she didn’t know I was going to wipe out her entire gene pool.

Ahri: "He goes to college and creates FOXDIE specifically for her?"

I met her friends before I was betrayed, so I broke out of prison, killed her friends first just to scare her,

Yeric: "Because I totally kept my word."
Avery: "Promise not to kill, my ass!."

but she didn’t know it was me who killed her friends, until I told her, after telling her I tore out her throat, and I then destroyed the village, killing the rest of her family. I also killed her relatives in her family. By doing that I broke my promise to her.

Yeric: "Not so much 'Break' as 'Shatter into a million pieces, grind up the bits and snort it'."

---

[Lord Agent Dr. Vect]

Alright, kiddies! Fun times ahead of us! And you know what? You're almost near the end!

Avery: "Ha-What?"
Yeric: "Really?"
Ahri: "Hoo-Ray!"

---

REGRET

Avery: "Hey, I feel the same thing too!"

I fled from the police for years. The only place I could go is Matanui, and I went there just to be alone until I could return to the human world.

Avery: "It's totally great that suddenly going between Mata Nui and the Human World's no problem at all."
Yeric: "Hey, plane tickets are cheap this time around.

16 years later, I returned to California, and decided to give the police a message, which was “I’m back!” by breaking down the front door and walking in wearing all black and a hockey mask on, which scared all of them to death, until I said “I’m back!” one of them said “who are you?”

Avery: "Why the hell haven't you shot that bastard dead on sight?!"
Yeric: "Because their puny human bullets will have no effect on him."
Avery: "Oh, yeah. Dammit."

I said “the one who destroyed that village 16 years ago and...Hug me!” they had a confused look on their faces, like what the fuck?

Ahri: "Oh ho ho! It's funny because you're a total asshat."

I just held my hands out and said “just arrest me” and they did,



Avery: "And once again, this has been a complete...
Yeric: "Waste..."
Ahri: "Of Time."

I was in jail for at least 5 years, then a jail break happened and I was given the job to ether kill or arrest the convicts, I enjoyed hunting the convicts epically when they have no idea what’s going to happen to them, until it was too late. I brought back some of them alive, but most of them I ended up killing.

Yeric: "That's some kinda parole system: Let the biggest psycho out as a bounty hunter and hopefully let him sort all of our problems out."

MY FIRST FUN JOB

Avery: "Driving an Ice Cream Truck?"
Yeric: "Scarlett Johansson's personal Gofer?"
Ahri: "Wedding Dress designer?"

(Avery and Yeric shoots a curious glance over at Ahri.)

I was given the job of convict and terrorist hunting because I enjoyed hunting them and infiltrating their strong hold then go on my killing spree blood and guts everywhere I fed upon the guts, or at least bringing down a building after rescuing the hostages.

Avery: "Now remind me: What was the difference between normal Vash and Evil Self?"
Yeric: "Um... One of them's really sensitive about their looks?"

No matter what the odds were, one against a thousand which I always liked, I always ended up getting the job done and ended up not damaging important buildings.

Avery: "Unimportant ones like orphanages and elementary schools though..."

The only time I had to bring a building down was when the terrorists were threating to use a nuke, which I defused and then brought it down by sending a shock wave though the support beams.

Yeric: "Th-That's not how Shockwaves work, boy."
Avery: "No, it's 'SHOCKWAVES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!'"
Yeric: "Yeah, they don't."
Ahri: "They work via energy, disturbances and the power of love.

DARKNESS NEVER DIES…NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU KILL IT

Yeric: "It's such a weaselly little bastard, that Darkness!"
Avery: "Fuckin' Cock'a'roach..."

While I was waiting for a job guess what, I got arrested again because of my corrupted side.

Yeric: "My massive Kill Count had nothing to do with it."

I told the court this “I didn’t kill all those civilians, I was here waiting for my next mission”

Avery: "A totally cromulent alibi right there."

they didn’t believe me until I caught the one who was killing the civilians, guess who I found, my corrupted self, I pulled Tetsume out and fought again, this time I slashed him in half and then used the Magun, I killed him for the third time.

Ahri: Because Killing the Perpetrator automatically clears your name."

The Slayer of Souls was still in the world I’m in, so I decided to seal it for all eternity. I did seal it and threw it into the ocean, that way it can’t be used by anyone including myself.

Avery: "Because he totally can't get out of some random seal I did. Because I'm awesome."

SOKU’S REVENGE AGAINST ME

10 years later

Avery: "OK how old is this guy?"
Yeric: "Well, he started the story as a 6-year old Worlf and according to this session at least 31 years've gone by, not counting the Years Later sequences... 40'somethin'?"
Ahri: Again, probably a case of putting more thought into it than the author did."

I was playing with some children, when a familiar scent appeared; I knew it was Soku because I recognized her scent.

Avery: "Strawberries?"
Yeric; "The smell of Death and Pancakes?"
Ahri: "Summer Roses?"

She probably wanted revenge on me for killing her family, I regretted killing her in front of them, they started to cry, I told them “I had to because I couldn’t risk having you get killed, that’s why I killed her and if I let her live she would tell the people who are after me that I have a thing for children”

Yeric: "I'm good with kids like that."
Avery: "1. The problem would've been solved if you just killed her years ago and 2. Great job coming off even creepier."

they were still a little scared of me, but I told them “it’s alright for you to be scared of me, because, I, umm, killed a lot of people in the past, but I changed.”

Avery: "Trust me, I changed. Totally. Not like those other times."

They stared at me then tackled me, when they did that they were laughing, I laughed too because I was happy.

Ahri: "It's like there's sitcom cues somewhere around."

THE CALL

One night while I was sleeping I was awakened by a strange call that sounded like “help me, anyone, and anybody, help me.”

Avery: "I'm looking for a Mr. B.S. Storyteller. Can anyone find him?"

I was confused by the call because it wasn’t from the children, so I thought “who’s calling me, and why?” I ignored the call for most of the time I was in school, until I was done with school for the rest of my life.

Avery: "Because there's nothing creepy 'bout a 40-something wolf-man-Saiyan with a robotic arm going to school."
Ahri: "So he's read Twilight as well?"
Yeric: "Don't put that image into our mind."

When I was walking home for summer I saw a strange creature….

Avery: "Dun dun DUUUUN!"

---

Aaaand we're done!

Avery: "Really? YES! I beat this story! I survived! I-"

With Part One of the Christian Humber Reloaded saga!

Avery: "Wanna go punch a sack of kittens right now."
Yeric: "Now... How many parts are there?"

Six, why do you ask?

Ahri: "Oh snap."
Yeric: "Well, cheer up. There's no sex-scenes that drag on for pages. We have the other group to take care of that.
Avery: "It's like saying that we're dealing with Two-Face while they're dealing with The Joker!

Anyways, stay tuned, true believers as we take on the next part of the Best and Worst Fanfic Ever!

Avery: "Did I ever mention how much I hate you?"

[ZuZu]

Oh wow, Vect, this is hilarious.

The fact that I still don't know if the main character is a wolf, bird, Saiyan, robot, human, dog, or cat says a lot about this!

[slashprower]

Sarah: It's interesting that the most interestingly random collection of ideas in the world is so poorly written that it's boring. This fanfic should be amazing. However, at least the MST makes it better.

Cari: Well, I know how the sixth one ends.

Sarah: Eh?

Cari: What's-his-name walks into the Corporation's building, planning to kill us all. We amuse ourselves for a minute or two mutilating him, then we hand his corpse over to Li for experimentation.

Sarah: And what was he?

Cari: A being made completely out of concentrated stupid.

Slash: This reminds me, I should update My Inner Life...

Cari: NO. Not until you finish this chapter of Last Stand, you lazy bitch.

Slash: ...God damn it...

[Lord Agent Dr. Vect]

Well, hidy-ho, children. It's been a while hasn't it? How was your sabbatical?

Avery: "Not like we've got anything else to do."
Yeric: "Yep."
Ahri: "Totally."
Crowley: "..."


(The trio look at the newcomer with some curiosity.)

Avery: "Um... How do we do this? Oh I know!"

(Collectively clearing their throats, Ahri, Avery and Yeric ask in a sing-songy tone...)

All: "What'chyer name?"

(Upon asking, she's handed a small business card, with the words...)

Agent Crowley
Robot Assassin and Half-Cousin of Cutman
Vect is too cheap to write a detailed backstory, so don't ask.

All: "Um... Where ya from?"

(Tapping a few buttons at her hands, Crowley played a fresh beat coming from her ears, while opening her mouth for a pre-recorded message...)

"Now this is a story
all about how my life
got twisted upside down
It's quite a simple story
Told in a pinch,
I'll tell you how I became the Killa
for Kane & Lynch..."


Actually, we don't have time for that. You see, Agent Crowley is here to both observe and learn from your actions as well as making sure you don't leave prematurely.

Avery: "Well, at least we're evened out gender-wise. Sorta? Do robots have genders?"
Yeric: "So... What other functions does she have? Toaster? Internet? Walking Porn database, because THAT would be awesome."
Ahri: "Do we teach her the meaning of love?"

Perhaps. Now, let us return to our main event everyone! Welcome back to the world of:

---

CHRISTOPHER HUMBER RELOADED: Part 2
(HUMB UP THE JAM)

THE INCOUNTER

Avery: "Ah, crap spelling! It's been a while!"

When I was coming home I from school for the summer, I saw a strange creature I said “What the hell are you?”

Avery: "I'm the guy they sent me to tell you that you've got Summer School, bitch, "

It said “Help me I’m hurt badly and I need medical attention now.”

Yeric: "Barkin' up the wrong tree, boy."

So I helped it and repeated “What the heck are you?”

Ahri: "Actually, your words were 'What the hell are you', but I digress."

and it said “A dragon with the power to control the seasons.” I almost said “the F word” but I stopped myself.

Yeric: "I'm careful like that."
Avery: "Not that it's stopped me all the other times, but y'know."

“I need a place to live in.” said the dragon “a big place” the dragon is extremely large so I asked “Can you fly?” and the dragon responded “Yes I can but my wings are damaged badly so I cant.”

Yeric: "Yo dawg, you can crash at my place. Totally dragon-sized!"

When I saw his wings, they were trashed and I wrapped his wings with as many bandages as I could get,

Avery: "I carry those with me all the time."
Yeric: "That and my funky offscreen magic."

after I finished wrapping his wings his stomach growled I guessed he was hungry and I had to steal about 5,000 pounds of food which was tough to get but I got it.

Avery: "He managed to steal 5,000 pounds?"
Ahri: "He killed the rest of the 10,000 pounds."

Now that the dragon is full I hacked a satellite and found a cave in the Rocky Mountains I took a plane to Colorado and took a car to the location,

Avery: "It's a good thing that this story has built up my tolerance to stupidity. I mean, how can he even drive the goddamn dragon there?"
Ahri: "I dunno. You've gotta be pretty smart to hack a satellite. Hey, Aigis! Can you hack a satellite?"
Crowley: *Nods, and plays a video clip*

Yeric: "Now, how much money was built into you being able to add a Youtuber player into your system?"

of course I had a laptop with a wireless card and a digital camera. I sent pictures of the cave; then I measured it took notes then went home and measured the dragon. He is 60,000 feet long and 9,000 feet wide. The cave is 200,000 feet high and 20,000 feet wide. He was delighted to have a home, as a reward he taught me the “Instant Transmission”,

Avery: "Didn't they stop using AOL?"

I of course went with him to the cave. Somehow someone followed me and saw the dragon. I detected the spy and deleted what the spy saw and transported her home.

Yeric: "No one must know our secrets..."
Ahri: *Singing* "I think we're alone now..."

The dragon is safe for now but I hope no one finds him because the world will probably put him in a cage which I will have to break him out of and find a new home for him…or I could just cloak the cave from radar, sonar and satellite.

Avery: "Because that's a whole lot easier."
Yeric: "It's amazing what you can do with a laptop with wireless connection."

NOW A DAY

Avery: "Not just any day. A day."
Yeric: "A day... (Takes out sunglasses) To die."
Crowley: *Plays Soundbite*
Yeric: "I like her."


I now visit my dragon often by using the “Instant Transmission” technique he taught me.

Ahri: "How To Train Your Dragon didn't go like this!"

He’s certainly getting bigger the last time I measured him he was 60,000 feet long and 9,000 feet wide, but now he is at least 120,000 feet long and 18,000 feet wide I’m guessing he had too much to eat because of his moaning.

Yeric: "Note to self: Probably shouldn't have let him gone on a feeding frenzy on New York City.
Avery: Dude, that dragon must be cramped! I mean, the proportions were already pretty imbalanced!"

After I gave him an anti acid reflex tablet then he was fine. Then I weighed him I said, “Holy shit!” because he weighs 900,000,000,000,000,000 tons. That amazing weight made me say the “S” word.

Yeric: "It's worth saying something, since I think that's beyond what this planet can hold."

He is the heaviest creature on the planet since the dinosaurs walked the planet. I checked the chamber where his puts the bones of his meal and again I said “Holy shit!” because the chamber was full of bones, some were still wet with blood.

Avery: "Arbitrary swearing FTW!"

Then I checked the entrance to his home the entrance was a tight fit for him when he wants to go hunt or swim.

Avery: "Swim the Pacific Ocean?"
Yeric: "Hunt down Galactus?"
Ahri: "Eat Vash?"
Yeric: "Now that's just silly."

I watched him walk around and each step he takes it’s like thunder and his belly makes a sloshing sound like he was full of water and his belly is also very soft and I guessed he was getting overweight.

Avery: "Can hack a satellite, yet takes him this long to know a fat dragon when he sees one."

I presume his wings fully healed and I told him to fly around and he did with some trouble.

Yeric: "Then he landed and cracked the planet."

---

Now how was that for practice? Tune in next time boys 'n Girls!

[Lord Agent Dr. Vect]

Well, boys 'n girls. Sorry for biding time for our latest chapter. Anyways, without further adieu...

---

THE RACE AGAINST TIME

Yeric: "Goddamn time's a quick bastard."
Avery: "Wonder how many times have I seen that phrase?"
Ahri: "Too many?"

I told him to exercise but he told me it was the food then he clutched his enormous belly like he was in massive pain I tried to see what was wrong with him but he told me it was nothing.

Yeric: "Dammit, I knew he shouldn't have had those extra burritos!"
Avery: "That and the metric asstons of meat I got."

When I came back the next day I brought a sonic probe and hooked it up to my laptop and scanned his belly and to my surprise I said “shit, your pregnant with about 6,000 eggs.”

Avery: "Congratulations on being a proud mo-wait a minute."
Yeric: "Obviously you don't know Dragon biology. It works the same way as Seahorse biology and Ranma Biology.
Ahri: "That's something you can write entire thesis' about!"

He said “So that’s what was hurting me so bad.”

Avery: "Oh, I'm pregnant. Ho hum."

I asked him how he became pregnant and he said “I don’t know how I got this large fucking thing, but I hate it.” I was shocked to actually hear him say the (F word) for the first time.

Yeric: "I'm a stickler for language like that."
Avery: "I mean, when I say it it's OK, but when an irritable pregnant dragon says it, that's just outta the line!"
Ahri: "Fuck yeah!"
Avery: "Now don't you start."

Then he cried out in pain and I saw why because his belly grew about 60 feet bigger and I checked again and there were more 3,000 more eggs.

Avery: "Guy shouldn't even fit in his cave anymore!"
Ahri: "I think we found the missing draft of How NOT To Raise A Dragon."

I knew if he had any more eggs he would die because of the pressure of the eggs would crush his internal organs I had to do something fast in order to save him. I used my “Instant Transmission Technique” and got a surgical team and their equipment for an operation at first they didn’t believe me until I showed them the eggs which were killing him.

Yeric: "Oh and by the way after this I'm gonna have to kill you all to keep the dragon a secret, 'k?"

I told them he is very important to the planet because if he dies the planet will be thrown into complete chaos so they started the surgery but he didn’t want to get knocked out but I told him not to worry they are here to help you but he didn’t believe that then he had the same sharp pain and his belly grew another 60 feet and he saw it and finally agreed and allowed them to knock him out but the light was extremely poor so I took them and my dragon to a hospital to do the operation and I waited in the waiting room pacing around looking at the clock.

Yeric: "So many words, so little said."
Avery: "And how the hell could they find a hospital to fit the fat bastard?!"
Ahri: I know just the hospital to do this! Crowley, hit it!"
Crowley: *Punches Ahri across the face and plays video*

Avery: "What the hell?! I knew it! You're bugging out!"
Ahri: *Cracking his jaw* "Ah, it's just a bit of the Dumbass Author Algorithms that cause her to interpret the situation and make the worst decisions. I knew I shouldn't have been playing Dragon Age: Origins on her..."

After about 19 hours of waiting the nurse told me he will be fine I was so glad and I asked her how long will he be in the recovery room for and she said “about 3 years.”

Yeric: "And you won't even BELIEVE the bills you gotta handle!"

And I said in surprise “Three Years!” “Shit! I can’t wait that long by then he would be discovered and put into a cage and I won’t let them do that to him.”

Avery: "I mean, even though I basically exposed him to the public right now, I can't risk him being put in captivity, even though that's what I basically did to him!"

Then another nurse came and said “It fully healed in just an hour!” Then I said quietly so no one could hear me “Good boy.”

Ahri: "Or girl. Both. Whatever."

To my surprise he was walking around probably getting rid of the knock out gas when he spotted me and said “Let’s get the fuck out of here.” I sighed and said “Let’s go home.”

Avery: "Back to the cave with you!"

Then a ring master saw me and my dragon and pulled out a shotgun and pointed it at me and said “Hand over the dragon or I’ll shoot.”

Yeric: "Because a shotgun is totally gonna work on something that can obliterate the Ozone Layer with a bad case of gas."

And I said “Kiss my ass you fucking asshole!” the ring master was surprised that I said the “f word” and called him an asshole

Avery: "Sensitive people, aren't they?"

and the ring master pulled the trigger but the shot hit the wall because I was too fast for a bullet and I got behind him and pulled out my shotgun and pointed it at his head at point-blank range and said “leave my dragon alone, ok?” the ring mater said “never.” I sighed again and said “So be it.”

Yeric: "Didn't really matter since I was gonna do this anyways."

And pulled the trigger the ring master’s head was vaporized and I put my shotgun away and used “Instant Transmission” to teleport out of there and my dragon was safe again and I had to tell the police I had a reason to kill the ring master then the police told me they were after the ringmaster for 19 years and they told me he had an illegal circus which had mythical creatures who were treated with cruelty.

Ahri: "But they're not my dragon so fuck 'em."
Yeric: "Now watch your language young man.

THE EFFORT TO PURIFY THE ROGUE DRAGONS

Avery: "More dragons?"
Yeric: "Why not?"
Avery: "Those words can only go so far."
Ahri: "But it worked with Dr. McNinja!"
Avery: "Well, Chris Hastings is special. He knows how to pull this shit off well.

I got a reward of $60,000,000,000,000,000

Avery: "So THAT'S where the National Debt came from!"
Yeric: "Thank you, Bladevash for the U.S. Economy!"
Ahri: "Are political jokes allowed?"
Avery: "Yeah. We can totally find a balance. Here: Obama's a hippie.
Yeric: "Bush is a Monkey. There, we're now officially Fair and Balanced."

I was amazed that I became a hero and the news crew was there to but out of the corner of my eye I saw some orphans watching though the window and I walked over to them they were scared until I gave them about $1,000 and told them to “go find a home where you will never be harmed again because I’ll be there to protect you.”

Avery: "Moral of the story: Money Solves Everything! What a great lesson to teach to kids!"
Yeric: "That and mass-murderers are friends to all children!"
Ahri: "Why else do you think I get to hang out with Cloud and Squall Leon?"

They did, the parents there were alcoholics and were treating them cruelly so I went with them and found all the alcohol and destroyed it and arrested the drunk bustards and took the orphans to see my dragon they were scared at first but then played with him until the orphans were exhausted and I found a shelter for them.

Yeric: "I'm secretive like that."
Avery: "For someone who's worried about getting the dragon caught, he really sucks at this whole Secret Keeping thing, doesn't he?"

Then my dragon needed some calcium right when I was going to throw away all those bones when back for another hand full the bones were gone and I found him patting his enormous belly and I didn’t know he ate the bones when I told to move aside when I heard the rattle of the bones in his belly I said “you just ate the bones didn’t you?” and he said “no I didn’t.”

Avery: "Calcium DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!"

SPOILER: Click to show

he was lying to me so I said “Nice try but you have to try harder than that to make me believe you.” He said “dammit.” I said very calmly “the bones you ate will give you calcium.” He ate about 90,000,000,000,000 tons of bones and he got a little fatter but at least he’s not pregnant.

Yeric: "Because fat people are better than pregnant people. Everyone knows that."

He’s now forging three swords which will allow me to weaken dragon clans but when I fuse the three swords to allow me to capture dragon clans.

Avery: "My own Dragon Army as my Thralls? Yippee!"

The three swords names are: Unity, Duty and Destiny but when I fuse the three swords I get the Virtue Sword which allows me to capture dragon clans.

Yeric: "Totally fitting name for a sword that lets me enslave dragons."

He also made a device that will capture rogue dragons and bring them to the good side. Some of the rogue dragons are enormous and some are extremely fat and hungry.

Ahri: "Hungry Hungry Dragons! Hungry Hungry Dragons!"

I then asked the rogue dragons why they rebelled against the humans and they said “Humans have used and abused us so we ate them and we will destroy humanity and rule the planet.”

Yeric: "But years ago, we had a lunch-break."

I asked “Who did that to you?” and they said “A gang did this to us but now we will eat everyone on the planet and no one can stop us.” I said “Oh really” then I pulled out the Virtue Sword and struck a rogue dragon with lighting fast swipes of the sword and to them it looked like I didn’t move until one of the rogue dragons collapsed onto the floor.

Avery: "They were just there?! What the hell were they here for, the buffet?!"

MY SIN

Yeric: "You should be makin' that a plural, son."

My dragon saw me move that fast before and he could see me strike with falcon accuracy the other rogue dragons were not afraid until I struck down one of their comrades then they lost their nerve and they surrendered.

Avery: "Damn, these dragons suck!"

I told them “Don’t do that again or I will not hesitate to kill you all right.” And they said in a squeak “yes.”

Yeric: "The army that'll conquer humanity, ladies and gentlemen!"
Ahri: "Well, of course we're awesome. We've got Spiral Power!
Avery: "Aw damn, don't bring that up! He might use it!"

I then said “Where is this gang that made you rebel?” and they said “We don’t know.” I pulled out my sword again and they said “In Chicago.”

Yeric: "Al Capone: Dragonslayer."

Then I said “where in Chicago is the gang?” they said nothing and I repeated “where in Chicago is the gang?!” again they said nothing and I picked one up and slammed him into a wall and said “Answer me” “Answer me damn you!” The one I had pinned up against the wall ate me then I did something I would completely regret.

Avery: Y'know, this threatening Dragons thing probably isn't the best way to go about things.

I transformed into a “Super Sayin” and burst out of the dragon’s belly covered in blood and when I turned back to look at the dragon his belly was wide open I felt awful about what I did. I told my dragon “I want to be alone for some time, okay?” my dragon understood perfectly that I needed to be alone for awhile.

Ahri: "I never knew that he was able to feel such things as guilt.
Avery: "I'm about as surprised as you are."

---

IT'S OVER! (For now)

[Lord Agent Dr. Vect]

Ya-yo, ya-yo, viewers!

Avery: "Don't start with One Piece, please".
Yeric: "Speaking of which, have I told you how important my friends are for the 56th time today?"
Ahri: "Hit it, Crowley!"

Ahri: "I love you!"
Avery: "Creepy. Anyways, it's good to get back on track. I have a prom I plan to miss but probably end up going to.
Ahri: I have to do Prince Whatsisname from Sleeping Beauty's job.
Yeric: And I have to sell a few girls into slavery-I MEAN, stop an evil slaver.

Anyways, Onward and Upward!

---

THE PURIFIYING OF MY HEART

Yeric: My heart will go on-
Avery: Finish that and you'll be hittin' soprano.

I went to China and told a wise priest what I did.

Avery: "Please go Shaolin on his ass, please go Shaolin on his ass..."

He told me in order to purify my heart I would have to go to hell and kill a dragon demon named Le-Hung-Doe who was cursing China for 5,000 years.

Yeric: Strange, since I thought they were doing so well so far.

I asked where the gate to hell was and he told me “I don’t know, but use your spirit to find the gate to the underworld.” I thanked him and I did use my spirit and I found it but before I entered a servant stopped me and said “the priest wants me to give this to you for slaying the demon.”

Avery: I mean, you're headed there anyways. Shouldn't be too hard to find with your spirit."


It was a sword called Shing-Shingo which was used to slay the demon before.

Avery: ... Really? Shing-Shingo?
Yeric: I've always been more of a fan of Paul myself."

I found out the sword was supposed to put the demon to sleep for a 1,000 years.

Ahri: Tranquilizer swords? I thought they stopped making them after they realized that killing a demon was a better option.

I said “this won’t help me at all” so I pulled the Virtue Sword and used my speed and accuracy to try to kill the bastard but it didn’t leave a scratch

Yeric: I'm accurate like that.
Avery: Speed, I guess I'll give him seeing how he got to the bastard so suddenly. Accuracy, my ass!
Yeric: And might I say it's a very fine ass!
Avery: Hey!
Yeric: What? Guy can't compliment a girl now?

“Oh Shit!” I said I then remembered the servant told me that the Shing-Shingo is the only sword which could pierce the demons tough scales I muttered “let’s try this.” I then used the sword fusion on the Virtue Sword and the Shing-Shingo I got the Legendary Demon Killer and with one slash I killed the demon.

Ahri: Uber-Sword plus Sleepy Sword equals KILLER OF TEH DIABLO! I totally need to tell Danny and Noel to do that.


I was covered in blood but when I emerged from the underworld all of China was there waiting for me, when I finally emerged all of China cheered and the priest said “You have stopped the curse you are a hero in the next 1,000 years.”

Avery: And after that we'll forget your ass.

I said “Um Id hate to burst your bubble but I killed It.” And the priest said “You did what?!” “I killed it.” The priest said “you started a Yin-Yang War and you will fight alone with no weapons.”

Avery: Nice job breakin' it, hero.
Yeric: Did you really expect it not to end in the death of something massive?

When the priest took the sword I was holding but right when he touched it, it electrocuted him.

Ahri: What kinda hell do you go to for electrocuting a priest?

I was surprised that The Shing-Shingo became part of The Virtue Sword. After I used my new powerful sword against a one-hundred demons I killed them with one swipe I then decided to call it “Tetsiga” because it can kill 100 demons with one swipe.

Avery: First, the name you're thinking of is Tetsusaiga and second, what series won't you destroy? Hopefully something that I'd actually care about.

I returned home after one year passed my dragon was happy that I returned home after a long time I told him the whole story and he said “I’ll help out in this war.”

Yeric: It's great that the dragon hasn't starved to death in a year of being left alone.

I said “no thanks I have a very powerful sword, Tetsiga which can kill 100 demons in one swipe.” He didn’t believe me but when I was going to show him I got calls from all over the world except China.

Avery: So does he have, like, that phone from The Powerpuff Girls?

I smiled my psycho smile my dragon knew I was going to go to war.

Yeric: Basically it's just my regular smile.

I started to leave the cave when my dragon blocked my path I said “What the hell are you doing? I need to save the world.” And my dragon said “you are not going out there alone.” I said “all right you can help but if it gets sticky, get the fuck out of there.” And he said “cool I’ll get reinforcements.”

Avery: Lemme call up my homies a bit, 'k?

Right before I could speak a demon called Kekanu called me and said “in 10 days come to the city at dusk so the war can begin.” I said “there are too many people around; let’s fight at the wastelands okay?” Kekanu agreed with me.

Yeric: Now what was that term again? Could someone remind me?
Avery: It's a trap?
Yeric: Thank you!

So I told my family I was to fight in a war that will decide the fate of the planet that will start in10 days at dusk. My parents begged me not to go but I told them “I have to go because I started the war and I will be the one to end the war.”

Avery: You mean the parents that were supposed to be dead, you continuity-forgetting asshead?
Ahri: Now now. Watch your language.

I trained in a chamber called “The Hyperbolic Time Chamber” with the Tetsiga to try to learn some techniques before I go to war. In the Hyperbolic Time Chamber a day is a year. I stayed in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber for the 10 days, which means I trained for 10 years in there.

Yeric: And when I came out, I became a withered old man.

THE YIN-YANG WAR BEGINS
On the final day I emerged stronger than before, also I obtained all the Super Sayin stages, of course when I emerged I was in Super Sayin form my dragon could sense my power level he was scared out of his mind he told me “Get back or I will kill you.”

Yeric: That's some nerve for a dragon who's scared outta his mind.
Avery: And he couldn't recognize his buddy/feeder after 10 days?

I said in slang “You would hurt sing-song brother?” he could not believe his ears and said “Blade? Is that you?” I said “of course dummy who else would have called a you sing-song brother?”

Yeric: Avery, do you call your brother sing-song brother?
Avery: No, but I do call him an annoying little bastard.

he said nothing and I said “Lets go open a can of whop-ass.” My dragon agreed.

Ahri: I had a can of whoopass this mornin'. It smelled like like Jerky and Old Spice.

Now it is the time to fight we went to the wastelands and there stood Kekanu he said “good you have come to fight, well, aren’t we going to start?” I said “Yeah, let’s go!” before I knew it he had an entire army of demons behind him.

Yeric: Now what was the proper term again?
Avery: Haw-Haw!
Yeric: Yes!

I said to myself “its time to use my new skills.” I pulled Tetsiga from its scabbard and focused my power in to its blade and then I swiped he laughed and said “is that the best you can do?” in a mocking voice and I said “No, this is what I can do you, ugly son of a b****!”

Yeric: I will admit, the guy sorta has a weird sense of chivalry. He refuses to use the word "Bitch", which has gotta say something.
Avery: I have a few things to say, none of which are good.

then waves of energy shot out of the blade killing half of the army, Kekanu got scared out of his wits.

Avery: Y'know, I think challenging the author's character was a bad idea...

I told him “surrender or I will kill the rest of your fucking army” Kekanu sent the rest of his army at me but right when I was ready to strike he cast a paralyzing spell on me, I yelled “You fucking piece of shit, I’ll kill you for this!”

Yeric: I'm threatening like that.

he just laughed. Then just out of the blue smacked him and sent him flying into a cliff. I said “What the…?” when I looked where Kekanu stood I saw a dragon standing in his place I sensed that power before. I yelled “Season bringer! What happened to you? You look stronger.”

Avery: Season Bringer? C'mon! Puff's a better name than that!
Yeric: I'm sure it's a fitting name.
Ahri: It can block out the sun, causing an early winter!

Season bringer said “of course I look stronger because I did some training.” I asked “where did you train?” he said “The Other world.” I screamed “YOU WENT TO THE OTHER WORLD WITHOUT ME KNOWING!”

Avery: How dare you train Real Ultimate Power without me?!

Season bringer said “Chill down Blade, we have a mission, don’t we?” I said coolly “(yea-affirmation as in "yay!" vs. yeah-confirmation as in "yes, that is correct". Think before you post!), we do but I want you to get everyone on the planet to lend me their energy, OK?” Season Bringer said “all right, I will.”

Yeric: I see what you're doing there.
Avery: A victim from Saw who lost his eyes could see what he's trying to do there.

KEKANU’S DEFEAT

Yeric: That was fast.
Avery: It's just the title.
Yeric: Damn.

When Kekanu recovered from the surprise attack I told Season Bringer to go and he did, I turned with rage to Kekanu I said in a deep scary voice “Let’s finish this.”

Yeric: Roar.

Before he could strike with his claws I powered up to Super Sayin stage 4. Kekanu transformed to his demon form, we were evenly matched in power then we started fighting.

Yeric: We need some music up in here.
Ahri: On it. Crowley!

Yeric: It'll do.

The blows could be felt across the planet; Season Bringer could sense the fight going on, Season Bringer completed his mission. He told me he completed the mission. I delivered a devastating blow to the face, stunning him for a few seconds I then called for the energy the planet gave me the energy to go to the ultimate Super Sayin stage: stage 5,

Yeric: Remind me, how many stages are there?
Avery: Four, at least in the show.
Yeric: And how are you supposed to use the energy as a people?
Ahri: As the Spirit Bomb?
Yeric: And why are we reading this now?
Both: *Collective silence*
Yeric: Lemme answer this one: Our Creator's a sadist.


I then focused my energy that I would destroy Kekanu and his army and that would end the war in just one blow, I did The Wind Scar technique and destroyed Kekanu and his army. I wasted a lot of energy performing the Wind Scar in Super Sayin stage 5; I lay exhausted I was lucky to have Season Bringer bring me home.

Avery: That was... Not surprising.
Yeric: Don't you mean Underwhelming?
Avery: Yeah. Not surprising.

I slept for 3 weeks then when I finally woke up, there was a victory party waiting for me. I was surprised that Season Bringer planed the party for me I said “you planed the party for me didn’t you?” he just said yes I said “come here” in a playful voice giving him a nuge then pain shot up my whole body,

Ahri: Nuge?
Avery: He meant a noogie, like this...
*Grabs Ahri in a headlock and demonstrates for him*
Ahri: *Flailing his arms* No mommy no! I'll be good! Mmmm!

I screamed out in pain, I had to be taken to the hospital because I broke every bone and pulled all the tendons in my body during the fight.

Yeric: In otherwords I'm legally dead, but nothing doctors can't help me with.
Ahri: Doctors? Crowley!

Avery: Again?
Ahri: Yes.

I had to spend a year in the hospital in order to recover fully.

Avery: I'd show you a montage, but a year's really quick in this story.

While in the hospital I snuck out one in awhile to go train but I would get caught and strapped in to bed.

Yeric: Whoever can do that must be stronger than God himself.

When I fully recovered, I had Season Bringer brought me to the Other World and we both trained there for a year. Then we decided to become one of earth’s great guardians but we couldn’t because the guardians saw what we did but they did let us become Holy Warriors.

Avery: Consolation Prize FTW.

We were allowed to protect the planet from demons, aliens, space pirates and mainly…. Idiots.

Ahri: My irony meter is going nuts!

We got to train for as long as we want.

Avery: Again, I don't have any montage clips since it'd be about five seconds long.

---

[Lord Agent Dr. Vect]

Greetings everyone. Now, back to the show.

Avery: Whoop-dee-fuckin'-doo.
Yeric: Yee-haw.
Ahri: Yippee-ki-yay.

---

THE WARNING

Avery: We're a little too late for that, but thanks.

Sometimes if we were in a good mood (which we weren’t in at all) we would let some aliens though like the Protoss though to make peace if not…well you get the idea.

Avery: I think I got it a long time ago. Oh and Crowley, hit it.

Avery: Not that one. The other one.

Yeric: I'm really starting to question why you put the Youtube player in her midriff.
Ahri: Because... That's a clear, smooth spot where you can see all you need to... ONWARD!

An enemy alien race called Zerg almost got though but Season Bringer and I destroyed their attack force and set them home with their fucking tails between their legs I then got a transmission from a different planet. I studied a map and traced it to the planet Char, the Zerg Home world I said “God dammit, who the hell would send me a fucking transmission at this time?”

Yeric: That guy must have one hell of a wireless plan.

when I answered it, a woman stood there. She said in a bug like voice “hello Blade.” I said in a low angered voice “Kerrigan.” Kerrigan said “I bring bad news.” I said “cant you see I’m busy right now so leave me alone.” But right when I was going to cut the transmission Season bringer stopped me and said “let’s hear what she has to say” I yelled in anger “DO YOU KNOW WHO SHE IS? SHE’S THE QUEEN OF BLADES AND SHE ALMOST MADE ME HER FUCKING SLAVE!”

Avery: EVEN THOUGH I NEVER MENTIONED IT UP UNTIL NOW, SHE TOTALLY DID IT!

Season bringer said “chill Blade, Kerrigan continue.” I couldn’t believe Season bringer would talk to that b****!

Yeric: Indeed, why would he listen to that brick?

Kerrigan continued “there is a new Overmind growing on Char.” I yelled “WHAT?!, you can’t be serious the Overmind was killed by the dark templar.” She said “listen go to Char and kill it.” I said “how can I kill the fucking thing when I don’t have any dark templar powers?” she said “you do but you don’t know how to use them yet, go to Sakura and ask for the dark templar to help you”

Avery: Time to unlock more potential.
Yeric: Also, the Dark Templar live on Shakuras, but they might've moved in with that chick from Naruto a while ago.
Ahri: I've heard they have great rent and property value there.

I said “how can I get to Sakura without a ship with slip space or cold sleep?”

Yeric: The fact that he bothers asking those questions shows... Something, I guess?
Avery: That he doesn't know what he's talking about?

she stared at me and she pointed to some dog tags in a glass case behind me I told her “so there dog tags from the ----- then I smiled my psycho smile because I had to steal an alien ship that the C.I.A. had in Area 51.

All: Convenient.

I asked the army”where is Area 51?” they said “sorry kid but no is allowed in Area 51”

Yeric: Well damn, that didn't work as well as I thought it did.
Avery: Kid?! What, are the guards eighty?
Ahri: It's still awful convenient for them to be there when needed. Just like it is in real life...

I was ticked at that and yelled “I HAVE TO STOP AN INVASION FROM HAPPENING AND I CANT GET A STAR SHIP TO GET TO MY DESTANATION, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT?!” the army knew what I was talking about and blind folded me and took me there.

Yeric: Now that worked out a lot better, sorta.
Ahri: What happens in the case of a False Alarm then?
Yeric: Neuralizer. What else?

There were some scientists working on the ship. I examined the ship, I said “Nice, it has blasters, I like that.” The scientists were surprised at what I said; of course Season bringer came too.

Avery: You guys don't mind if I bring my fatass dragon along, right? I thought so.

One of the scientists said “the ship is very small only two people can fly it, you need a co pilot” then I pointed in Season bringers direction he looked at Season bringer and said “he a friend?” I said “no, he’s my co pilot.”

Yeric: That's two very different things. I hate that fat sumbitch.
Ahri: One more question: How?!
Avery: You're assuming he thought that far ahead once again.

The scientist said “what, he’s your co pilot?” I said “(yea-affirmation as in "yay!" vs. yeah-confirmation as in "yes, that is correct". Think before you post!), so what more do you want?” then the scientist said “alright he can be your co pilot, do you know how to fly that thing?” I said “of course I know how to fly the god damn thing, what did you expect? I have piloted mechs, Gundams, huge robots and many others.”

Yeric: I'm experienced like that.
Avery: I totally did. That one time. You know.

The scientist were surprised that I piloted all those things and said “I believe you can fly that thing” and I said “….just give me the damn keys.”

Ahri: If these individuals represent Modern Science, I fear for actual progress for humanity.

Season bringer and I were off to learn about my dark templar powers. Right when we got there it was hard to breathe on the planet but we trained in the depths of a black hole for about a year. So we were ready.

Avery: It's nice of the Zerg Swarm to wait that long.
Yeric: And I never quite thought of Black Holes as Training Centers. I might need to tell my group that.
Ahri: Well, even an unstoppable swarm of Space Bugs need preparations and all. Y'know, to prep up morale and mine an assload of Vespene Gas.

After a few minutes we were breathing normally and we set out but when we found the dark templar camp we had to get in without getting killed. I transformed to Super Sayjin stage 2 and Season bringer transformed to his extremely strong form and we walked up to one of their watch towers and called up “hey, I’m looking for Zeritul, do you know where he is?

Avery: So, erm... If he's just going to rely on Super Saiyan, what does Dark Templar training do?
Yeric: Y'know, to wipe out the Overmind for good.
Avery: So Goku can't do a job that the Dark Templars themselves can't do?

The guards laughed and yelled “no human cannot enter.” I used my speed to get up to one of the towers and stood on the rail with only my toes on it and said “If you let us in we wont kill you, OK?” they just squeaked “Yes.” And they let us in and I learned how to use my dark templar powers. Now I can finally kill the god damn fucking Overmind.

Yeric: I'm diplomatic like that.
Avery: And there goes a military alliance with the Protoss. Good job there, Bladevash.

OVERMIND COMPLETE

Avery: Maybe taking a whole year for training wasn't such a great idea...

I tried to contact Kerrigan but instead I saw a big ugly eye and I heard it say in a deep freaky voice that said “I am finally complete now I can control the swarm.” I knew that voice I said “shit, I’m too late it is complete and Kerrigain is… No, I failed to save Kerrigain from becoming a slave to the Overmind.”

Yeric: Luckily Kerrigan's OK. I'm worried about the Kerrigain fellow, though.

season bringer said “it’s all right we didn’t know the Overmind grew that quickly.” I said “ok, let’s think of a plan to kill the Overmind.” Season bringer said “reinforcements?” that triggered something in my mind and I said “we need an army of predators to help out.”

Ahri: Logical process, of course.

Season bringer yelled “ARE YOU CRAZY? THE PREDATORS WONT ALLY WITH A HUMAN!” I said “chill Season bringer, I can tell them it is an emergency and they will help.” “I don’t trust them” said Season bringer “neither do I, but are you seeing me complaining?” Season bringer said “no, but we need an army of some sort.”

Avery: And it's not like there are other Alien armies out there.

Then Zeritul walked up to me and asked “what’s going on?” I answered “the Overmind is back and wants revenge on the dark templar” Zeritul said “so it’s back, we will help you but our leader is gone.” I said “I’ll try to find your leader.” Zeritul said “alright I will assemble as many dark templar as I can to help fight.” Then I got another transmission that had a bad connection, it was a very old friend named Takanuva: the toa of light he said “the toa will help you fight but we can’t get to where you are” I asked the dark templar to build a warp gate and I asked Takanuva to tell the toa to build a warp gate and tried to open a portal from Sakura to Mata Nui and it worked, all seven toa were on the planet Sakura then the portal began to spit Zerglings out and I yelled “SHUT THE WARP GATE!”

Yeric: Sorry, didn't think that far ahead.

and the portal faded away stopping the Zerglings. After we killed the Zerglings I told the Toa about the mission. The toa understood the mission but I needed backup just in case we were going to get overrun.

Ahri: So... Legos are stronger than the Predators? I knew it!

Then I tried a different frequency to try and gain the Toa Metru to help fight and the toa metru got there too, I told them the whole story and they understood the mission. We then used a Protoss shuttle to get to Char.

THE SLAGHTER OF THE ZERG

Avery: So how many sentences will they be wiped out in?

After we landed I made sure the landing site wasn’t in the middle of the Hive but we weren’t. We were about 3miles away from the Zerg Hive Cluster. I said “we are out numbered 50 against 2 billion.”

Yeric: Inspirational Speech of the Year.

I told the toa to stay near the shuttle just in case we are going to get our selves killed. I said to Season bringer “I go Super Sayin stage 2 while you go-“before I could finish he went Super Sayin. I was surprised and told him quietly “how did you go Super Sayin in such a short time?” He answered “while you were in the hospital I did some training and I triggered something in me that made me transform.”

Avery: So.. What does a Dragon Super Saiyan look like?
Yeric: It's funny because you're asking me to think about this story now.

I said “okay two Super Sayins against 2 billion Zerg…lets go show the Overmind who’s boss, ready Season bringer?” he said “(yea-affirmation as in "yay!" vs. yeah-confirmation as in "yes, that is correct". Think before you post!), lets go” we both charged in energy blazing.

Ahri: That still doesn't make the name Season Bringer any better.

There was no way the Overmind could know what was going on, we killed every goddamn Zerg that was guarding the Overmind, the only thing that was in our way was Kerrigain. I told Season bringer this is my duty to ether free her or kill her. I knocked her out and told Season Bringer to get her as far away as you can.

Avery: Really tough moral decisions right there. Bioware, eat your heart out.

I then went Super Sayin stage 5, then I said “IT’S TIME TO DIE YOU UGLY SON-OF-A-B****! And with that I used my dark templar powers combined with my Super Sayin powers to perform my “Wind Scar” technique to vaporize the goddamn fucking, piece of shit Overmind.

Yeric: So Dragonball + Starcraft = Inuyasha?
Avery: Actually, the equation is Dragonball + Medieval Japan = Inuyasha, but plenty of people make that mistake.

The blast vaporized the ugly son-of –a-b****, but the celebetes were left so we both took care of them with ease. I finally decided to blow the fucking planet up, but season bringer stopped me.
Ahri: I almost forgot that I was on the planet myself.

---

[Lord Agent Dr. Vect]

Doop de doo-OH WHAT?!

Avery: What is it, our dark lord?

Good news and bad news.

Yeric: Bad news first.

Crowley glitched up and lost the file about your last session. We're gonna have to start from where we last left off.

Ahri: The good news had better not be that you saved money on Car Insurance.

Erm, well... You'll have something to do now!

Yeric: Yipee
Avery: Fuck!
Ahri: Alright.

Also to our readers out there, Crowley's going through some changes in her body, so these aren't exactly being churned out. That and she's not quite able to make this as clean as possible.

Avery: They were before?

Well... ON WITH THE STORY.
----

THE AWAKING OF THE ICE EMERALDS

Yeric: Yo, Ice Emeralds! Wake up!

I actually had fun killing the Zerg so did season bringer.

Ahri: It was the Beeest daay eeeevaaaar!~

I later found out I’m a half-breed (no wonder I could smell a moron a mile away). I’m half Sayin, half wolf, which makes me extremely dangerous if you got on my bad side.

Avery: How does that work?!
Yeric: When a Saiyan and a wolf love each other in ways that society can't accept...

I found out I go into a frenzy by the taste of blood, which is one reason not to tick me off because you will ether see a super Sayin or a wolf who is in a frenzy.

Yeric: And yet they still do! Really, what's it take to not make me kill them?

Some people try to get me scared by trying to threaten me, but that fails when I go into my wolf form or go super Sayin, which scares the shit out of them because they are facing a ruthless killer who has just gone into a frenzy.

Avery: As opposed to a straight-up ruthless killer.

I have earned the codenames “The Angel of Death” and “The God of Destruction” because I truly deserve those names for the amount of kills in 2 months. Not even god and Satin can stop me, which is kind of cool not having to worry about getting punished by god because you can strike back at him.

Yeric: Remember kids, if you're a big enough badass even God's not gonna mess with you for whatever you feel like doing.
Ahri: My god, he's impervious to silk! We're all doomed!

I just met a demon who petty killed everyone off when I wasn’t alive. Season bringer is still keeping the seasons in balance as always.

Avery: One would think that being on an alien planet would change his job up a bit, but it really hasn't.

When I went to the Artic, I felt a lot stronger than normal, like I was one with the ice; I found a secret wolf pack hidden in an extinct volcano while I there.

Avery: Wolves again?

While I was there I felt strange, like my body wanted to shatter and a strange mark appeared on my face, I was going to ask what was going on, but right before I spoke every one of them bowed down to me.

Ahri: YES! WORSHIP ME! ALL HAIL BLADEVASH! I AM THE GOD!

I thought “what the fuck is going on here?” I think the leader of the pack recognized the mark on my face, he said “the guardian has returned!” I said “what are you talking about, I have no connection here what so ever” he said “come with me, I want to show you something.” And I did, before I knew it we were in a huge chamber with a huge gem on a shrine. I was amazed yet curious about the gem.

Yeric: Shiiinnny...

I asked “what is that thing and why is it so big?” he told me “that is the master ice emerald, only the guardian can touch it, go ahead touch it” I did, when I did I felt a lot of energy surging into me, something came out of me and from that I blacked out.

Avery: Whoop, looks like you're not the guardian after all. Third time this week. Guards! Clean up!

When I woke up I was in a bed bandaged up. After that I wanted to see why my hand was bandaged up, I took the bandages off and screamed “HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MARK?” every one came in and saw that I had a golden burn mark on my hand. Later the elder came in and was holding seven small gems that I thought were pieces of the Master ice emerald.

Yeric: And what a convenience that they split perfectly into smaller gems.

I apologized for shattering it until he told me “these were hidden in your body and these are the ice emeralds which allow you to go super.” I said in confusion “super?”

Yeric: Super?
Avery: Super.
Ahri: Super?
Avery: Super.

“Yes super, it can make you even stronger than you are now.” I said “if I go super as a super Sayin, what will happen?” he said “you might lose control of your body.” I said, sarcastically “I’ve gotta try it someday” he screamed “YOU JOKE ABOUT THE DANGERS OF THE ICE EMERALDS!” I said coolly “hey, I laugh at the dangers, do you know why?”

Avery: Because I kill everything that's not me.

he shrugged; I said “you haven’t seen me go Super Sayin stage 5 yet, and that’s fun, because just a little wave of my hand can destroy half the planet.” At that he backed up a few feet from fear I think, or wanting me to show him.

Yeric: I'm charming like that.

KEKANU’S REVENGE

Avery: After that, Kekanu Strikes Back
Yeric: And then Kekanu: Electric Boogalu
Ahri: And then Kekanu: 2000!

Before I could show him there was an explosion, both the elder and I ran out of his den to see what was going on and guess who we found, if you guessed Kekanu your right, the ugly son-of a b**** is back and very pissed off,

Avery: Rrrrawr!
Yeric: What was that?
Avery: A Hulk roar.
Yeric: Makes you sound like a cat in heat. Do that again, only silkier this time.
Avery: Ugh!

I would be if that happened to me. I sensed he was a hell lot stronger from when I kicked his ass. I also smelled a lot of humans which sucks. I remembered how I killed him before,

Ahri: Good times, good times...

and I went Super Sayin stage 5 again and started to prepare to strike with the Wind Scar but I couldn’t do it because something was holding me back, like an inner demon. The elder screamed something to me that sounded like “you can’t kill him that way, use the emeralds!” I tried but I couldn’t,

Yeric; Stupid emeralds... Can't... Stab with them!

I yelled back “how can I kill him if I can’t use them” suddenly I remembered I must do it in front of the master ice emerald.

KEKANU’S DEFEAT AGAIN AND BLADE’S INSANITY

Avery: Damn, I was almost thinking that Kekanu beats the sanity into him.

I of course couldn’t resist to insult him “Slow think Kekanu, old-bone and bogfoot!”

Avery: Wh-whuh?
Yeric; That sounds like something you'd get from a shit translation of an RPG from the PS1 era.
Ahri: I have fury at this fictioning of fan!

that made him come after me, when we reached the chamber that held the master ice emerald, he almost hit it but when he got close, it fried him, I had to try my luck again in touching it and the ice emeralds started to glow and I felt my powers growing.

Yeric: Once again.

I finally struck him and my arm was right though his chest and I was holding his heart.

Avery: Flawless Victory.
Yeric: Fatality.

I had finally killed him, when I emerged from the chamber my right arm was covered in blood and I dragged his body behind me, the humans saw what a big mistake they made by trying to kill me.

Yeric: Yeah, what're ya guys doin' here again?

My hair is pure white and my eyes were bluish- greenish and my aura is silver. Season bringer sensed my transformation and came to see what happened; I swear he has shaking in major fear when he saw me.

Avery: Oh no, mister Vash-a-ma-Dash! what's gotten into you?

I yelled “Who else wants to die? If you don’t too bad, so sad!” and I killed all the humans in the area.

Yeric: I'm honest like that.
Avery: The hell's the point of a boast like that if you're just gonna butcher them anyways?! Fuck's wrong with you?!

I ran out of energy and went back to normal when I looked up there were bodies and blood everywhere. I asked “what happened?” the elder told me the whole story of what happened. I realized I couldn’t control myself when I was in that state. Later I tried to transform but I couldn’t,

Avery: Even though I know nothing good comes from it.

I swore in frustration the next thing I know something landed on me.



SPIN’S ARRIVAL

When I got ready to kill whatever landed on me I found a hedgehog about my size staring at me. I asked “who are you? And why are you my size?”

Avery: Personally I'd go for "AAAUUGGHH MUTANT HEDGEHOG" but that's just me.

he didn’t respond, I asked again he finally said “Spin the hedgehog” my mouth dropped wide open, I said “Spin, you mean, your the one who helped me get out of that trap?” “Yep, that was me” I asked “how’d you get here?” he said “a portal opened and I fell in, and now I’m here.”

Yeric: Portals sure are an issue around here...
Ahri: Damn you Aperture Science!

I told him “I opened that portal by accident, when I transformed my power probably caused a small tear in the Time, Space Continuum that caused you to arrive here in this time.”

Avery: You'd think a tear in Space/Time Continuum would be a bad thing, but...

Spin was amazed that I knew about the Time, Space Continuum, he asked “how do know this?”

Yeric: I took a physics class offscreen. What? It could happen.

I replied “a little two-tailed fox told me.” he said something under his breath that sounded like “Tails, you idiot.” I told Spin I needed to know that to be able to go from dimension to another without damaging the fabric of time. I told him in my I’m going to do something crazy tone of voice “I’m just getting ready to give an enemy a little payback.”

Avery: Is there anytime that someone uses the "Doing Something Crazy" voice and doesn't come off as a pedophile?
Yeric: Rarely, my good girl. Rarely.

He said “not Dr. Eggman.” I told him “I’m not after him, you idiot, I’m after the dark gods, because I was a slave to them.”

Avery: You were?
Ahri: He was.
Yeric: Actually... I'm not really surprised as him as the messenger of destruction.

He said nothing, I sighed and said “will you help me discover the power of these emeralds?” when I showed him he was wondering how I got them. He agreed to help me and I took him to the hyperbolic time chamber and spent two years in there. When we emerged I knew how to use them. I decided to upgrade the ice emeralds and I did. The ice emeralds are now super ice emeralds, which makes me go hyper.

Yeric: How did I do it? Well... How did I do it?

When I got the hang of going hyper, I decided to go Super Sayin, when I did he wasn’t impressed so I went Super Sayin stage 5, which scared him. I told him I’m going to try my luck and go hyper as a Super Sayin stage 5 in the hyperbolic time chamber, when I did I trained a bit to know what kind of power I was dealing with, every step I took created a crater so I hovered when I left the time chamber. I told Spin I can’t create the portal because with this power, I could destroy the fiber of time.

Avery: Hasn't stopped you before, hasn't it?

I was ready to give chaos a whole new meaning of the word “Overkill” putting it lightly. While I was in there I discovered I have the destructive “Angel Arm” ability.

Yeric: Didn't you have an arm cannon or something?

I shot it once in the chamber and damn it’s dangerous to anyone in front and the one who is using it. I had to tell season bringer what I was doing, he screamed “WHAT ARE NUTS? YOUR’RE CHALLENGING CHAOS ALONE!” I said “yep, that right alone.”

Ahri: Also, yeah on the nuts part.

He was in disbelief that I would fight alone without him. He gave me that “can I come too?” look which always makes me say yes, I did he was excited and impatient to fight an extremely old enemy of mine. I told Spin to open the portal, he did, I told him to close the portal when I give the order, and his response was “Eggs” I punched him for that. I finally went though the portal with season bringer.

Avery: He's lucky that he merely decided to slug him. Anyone else might've been gutted and made into dinner or somethin'.

[Lord Agent Dr. Vect]

Well folks, today we mourn Agent Crowley.

Avery: You were hardly used.
Yeric: You were glitchy as hell.
Ahri: You were a robot. I don't know what else to say.

But don't worry folks. Crowley's AI shall remain and in place we've brought in a new person to accompany you!

(The door was then unlocked, and in walked a woman of smallish frame with a dark bobcut. Looking around the room, she settled upon a chair next to Yeric)

Yeric: Uh-buh-buh-bwah?!

Avery: So why're you here?

Sylvan: Hey. I was interested in this project Hestephael was indulging in on his spare time. I got an invitation for a sit-in from Mr. Vect. Now let's see how bad this one story can be to devote time mocking it.
Avery: It's got an overpowered main character.
Sylvan: That's bad.
Ahri: The grammar is nonexistent.
Sylvan: Even worse!
Yeric: It's got no pacing at all and it literally jumps from one point to the other.
Sylvan: Oh for fuck's sake, let's do this. I'm gonna see firsthand this shitastrophe.

---

CONFRONTING CHAOS FOR THE FINAL TIME

Avery: We really mean it this time.

I said “location reached, facing Chaos, battle routine set, Execute!” season bringer said “um, this isn’t battle network.”

Ahri: It is if I say it is!
Sylvan: Well, this is promising.

I said “lets just get started.”

Ahri: Or maybe not.
Yeric: Hey, he read my mind!

When I pulled Tetsiga from its scabbard it didn’t transform, I tried a different sword called Tetsume and it did something I’ve never seen it do before, it transformed and glowed with an intense aura.

Avery: OK, who's the wiseacre who switched my sword for a Toys'R'Us Lightsaber?!
Ahri: You've got the touch! You've got the po-waaaaaaaah!

The dark gods sent hordes of demons at me but when I slashed them with it they got destroyed.

Sylvan: A horde wiped out in a single sentence. Odd that.

I realized Tetsume is the chaos killer, with it I went Super Sayin stage 6, and then I went Hyper, which scared me for I don’t know what’s was going to happen, when I used it,

Avery: You know exactly what's gonna happen, ya fuckin' ass: I go boom, they go dead.

when I did The Eye of Terror wasn’t damaged, I then did my Angel Arm in my ultimate form, the shot was devastating because, I believe it almost destroyed the fucking eye of terror.

Yeric: OK, Warhammmer 40K now. Gotcha.
Sylvan: So the shot was powerful because... WHAT?!
Avery: Just because. It's probably the best reasoning for anything he's given.

I was helping the Imperial Guards and settling a score with chaos for making me kill all those people when I didn’t want to. Someone came out of the eye of terror; it was my corrupted form holding the Slayer of Souls, the chaos sword of a Dark God.

Avery: Oh, hai evil clone.
Sylvan: So... Chaos Undivided I take it?
Yeric; Nah, the guy's definitely a Khornate.

THE FINAL BATTLE BETWEEN LIGHT AND DARK

Sylvan: Now what type of coffee shall I choose today?

I pulled Tetsume out and fought him in a one on one match to the death; I used the Wind Scar combined with my power to deliver a destructive slash which could destroy the universe.

Ahri: NO YOU FOOL! YOU'LL DESTROY US ALL!
Sylvan: In hindsight, that probably wasn't the best move.

The blast did kill him for the 900th time and destroyed the Slayer of Souls but I made sure he won’t recover so I used Judgment and chose his fate. My decision was to send him to Hell and I did.

Avery: Sending your evil counterpart to hell. Great idea there, Ledouch!
Yeric: I'm sure someone evil and of my power won't just come back as the Demon King.

I had to finish the destruction of the Eye of Terror. I made sure I did with angel arm with the energy that was gathered from around the universe and used my energy as well.

Sylvan: I think I understand why it's been difficult to contact other civilizations amongst the stars. Because this guy killed them all.

DISTRUCTION OF CHAOS

Avery: Well, I killed everyone else already so why not
Sylvan: What, did this guy lack himself Spellchecker?

I yelled “THIS IS IT CHAOS, YOUR TIME HAS FINALLY RUN OUT, NOW DIE YOU GOD DAMN, UGLY MOTHER FUCKER, SON-OF-A-B****, PIECE OF SHIT, OH (yea-affirmation as in "yay!" vs. yeah-confirmation as in "yes, that is correct". Think before you post!) GO TO HELL YOU UGLY B******!”

Sylvan: I think I've heard the same kind of insults in middle school. Odd that.

I released the blast, aiming straight into the heart of the warp. Season bringer told me to flee before the blast detonates; I told him “No, I will stay here to make sure it is truly gone.”

Ahri: Your loss. WHOOB WHOOB WHOOB WHOOB WHOOB!

He fled to Pluto, and watched the explosion.

Yeric: 'Cuz I'm sure that's far enough.

He sensed me before the blast detonated and after the explosion he lost my signal and screamed “NOOOOO!” and he started crying “Blade, why’d you have to die!”

Avery: YES! You're dead! Hah!

THE REBIRTH OF BLADE

Avery: FUCK!
Sylvan: Happens to the best of us.

5 years later
He told everyone that I died in honor trying to end a threat. Everyone came to my funeral;

Sylvan: I mean, forget the fact that countless others, not including Guardsmen must've died, everyone went to my funeral.

season bringer was about to say his goodbyes to me when I appeared right behind him everyone was ether gasping in amazement or fear,

Ahri: There was never gonna be a Potluck, was there?! Now I feel cheated!

I gave the be quiet signal and said “whose funeral is this?” he said “it’s Blade’s he’s dead.“

Sylvan: You sound a lot like him though. Odd, that.
Avery: How much you'd be willing to bet that they're only playing along so that they can keep their arms?

I said “OH, REALLY”. when I said that he jumped about five feet when he turned around I was standing right behind him, and said “it looks like you’ve just seen a ghost” because his face was shocked to see me.

Yeric: I'm playful like that.

He screamed punching me straight in the face, “YOU ASSHOLE! YOU SCARED ME HALF TO DEATH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE KILLED BY THE BLAST!”

Avery: Theoretically we should all be killed by that blast, but still!

I shrugged and he asked “How’d you escape the blast?” I told him “angel grabbed me before the blast hit me and brought me up to heaven to tend my wounds from the battle against my corrupted self.”

Sylvan: Never mind how I wasn't back at Earth, which is where you'd expect Angels to primarily have realm in. Odd that.

He didn’t believe me until I pointed in the direction of a guy wearing a white cloak with a halo over his head. Season bringer gasped in amazement. I later told season bringer I was given the job of the judge in heaven.

Yeric: I'm fair like that.

EVERYTHING IS NORMAL AGAIN…

Avery: What is normal to you anyways? Killing millions instead of googles?

Life continued as normal except when I had to do my job, which is both fun and boring, but hey I don’t care as long as I can stay on Earth.

Sylvan: You'd think that you shouldn't. Odd that.

I’m allowed to go to Hell and do some sparring with my corrupted side, and do some pranks while I’m there.

Yeric: I'm glad he's got his issues worked out with his evil half. Not many stories end with that: Friendly Sparring with Evil Half.

I sometimes go to where the Eye of Terror once was, and I sit on a planet close to it and remember the fight that made history.

Ahri: I killed a fuckton of daemons!

I visit the Emperor once in a while to hangout and teach the Space Marines some of my fighting skills.

Avery: So Emprah, How is it stuck in a life-support system that's failing and your soul barely in the corporeal realm? Rocks? Cool man, we'll get beers.

I visit Mata Nui and Metru Nui, when I get there I’m greeted happily by Toa and Matorin alike, they still have the warp gate they built which is still functional. They use it to come to this world when they want to see me or just to have fun. I did not know what’s going to happen to me, but I don’t like it…

Sylvan: And neither will we.

---

Sylvan: Perhaps I underestimated you kids. This is sorta like mental training. Like... Steeling your mind to stupidity. Well, that's it for me. I gotta go on a bender to forget this.

(Sylvan then got up from the chair and made her way to the door. As she left the room, the others waved to her goodbye.)

Avery: Bye, lady cameo.
Ahri: Bye, what she just said.
Yeric: Bye mom.

(At that last word, Yeric covered his mouth while Sylvan pinched her nose a. Avery and Ahri gave him a rather curious look.)

Yeric: So... Anyways, milestone! Part 2 complete!
Avery: Yeah, that's a great accomplishment. Let's see how dumb part three can get.
Ahri: We're going full throttle on that! Hold onto yer butts!



Actually, I think I may have something special planned. For two people exclusively... But I'll tell you two about that much later! For now, enjoy your little achievements.

[Kenton]

Hi there! This blog posdt couldn't be written much better!

Gokng through tjis post reminds me off my previous roommate!

He always kept preaching about this. I most certainly will send this information to him.

Fairly certain he will have a great read. Thanks for sharing! www.waste-Ndc.pro/community/profile/tressa79906983/

[Josefa]

Today, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iPad
and tested to see if it can survivfe a 40 foot drop,
just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is noow broken and she has 83 views.

I know this is completely off topjc but I had to share it with someone! tech-power.Mystrikingly.com

[Valorie]

What's up all, here every person is sharing these kinds off familiarity, so
it's good to read this web site, and I used tto pay a quick visit this weblog everyday. telegra.ph/7-Smartest-Strategies-to-Maximize-your-Winning-in-Online-Casinos-05-09

[Noble]

Good day! I know this is kinda off topic but I was
wonderng if you knew where I could locate a captcha plugin forr my commednt form?
I'm using the same blog platform as yours and I'm having problems
finding one? Thanks a lot! casino-gamess.mystrikingly.com/

[Leticia]

WOW just what I waas lopking for. Camee here by searching for casino telegra.ph/How-to-play-at-online-casinos---top-10-tips-05-08

[Dyan]

Do youu mind if I quote a feww of your artocles as long ass I provde credit andd sources back to your blog?
My website is in the xact same niche as yours and my users would certainly benefit freom some of the informatiion you present
here. Please let me know iff this okay with you.
Thank you! gambling-tipss.blogspot.com/2024/05/how-to-win-at-online-slots-2024-top.html

[Chanda]

I like the valuable info youu provide in your articles.

I will bookmark your blog annd check again here regularly.
I aam quite certain I'll learn many new stuff right here! Best of luck for the next! 663cec0f69dc0.site123.me/

[Karri]

My family members all the tie say that I am killing my time here at net, except I know I
am getting familiarity everyday byy reading such good posts. howtowinslotss.blogspot.com/2024/05/how-to-win-at-mobile-andland-based.html