MSTing: Stuff from series that I actually play

[slashprower]

Okay, so as we all know I'm doing the Legend of Zelda fanfic My Inner Life. I really fucking hate that fanfiction, but one of my problems is that I've never really played Legend of Zelda. I've played Twilight Princess and Wind Waker and that's it. So, here's where I'm going to do MSTs of fanfics based on things that I have an obsessively complete knowledge about. Because it's fun.

Here's a Kane and Lynch one. Next up, I try to find a Nightmare on Elm Street fanfic. Hilarity ensues.

Slash: Hello, I'm Slash Prower and I need a break from shitty Zelda fanfiction, so I decided to do this. Now, bad Kane and Lynch fanfiction is hard to find.
Cari: Any Kane and Lynch fanfiction is hard to find.
Slash: True, but most of them seem to have correct grammar and spelling, decent stories...They range from good to mediocre, mostly because the really annoying fanfiction writers wither never heard of the game or rejected the idea of a fanfiction in a universe where a Mary Sue really couldn't be shoved in.
Cari: Didn't I used to be a Mary Sue?
Slash: A really long time ago, yes, which is why I made your life suck and made sure that nobody liked you and that everybody who did died.
Cari: Thanks, you horrible bitch.
Slash: Of course, all of the stories share one thing: They are dead as shit.
Cari: Like Last Stand, since you never fucking work on it.
Slash: Shut up. This one's dead, too, but one can infer that, had it been allowed to fester, it would have been total shit.
Cari: So I'm here, because I was in a Kane and Lynch fanfiction, and Slash is here because she's an annoying fangirl whatever, and...wait.
Slash: Yeah?
Cari: Why is it just us? You've written Kane and Lynch before, in Last Stand.
Slash: I hate writing for characters that aren't mine, out of fear of derailing them. I'll do it in a story, but I won't do it where it's not necessary.
Cari: Whatever. >_> Let's just get to the story.

________________________________

Kane and Lynch: Dead Men (with a twist in the story)
Cari: Original.
Slash: Very.

Name: Alice Bailey

Age: 38 (Lynch is around 40, and Kane is around 41 because he looks a little older then Lynch)
Slash: Actually, I did research before starting my fanfiction. Kane is 38-39, Lynch is 41. >___O
Cari: Nobody cares, you're a freaky little fangirl.
Slash: For someone I created, you're very mean to me.
Cari: Maybe if you hadn't made my entire life shit, I wouldn't hate you so much.

Hair: Black, around shoulder length

Eyes: Dark grey
Slash: Are anyone's eyes really grey?
Cari: I think so, but I believe it's rare.
Slash: Rare eye colors are a Mary Sue trait, right?
Cari: Yeah, but so is a tragic past, and God knows how tragic you made mine. One or two Mary Sue traits does not a Mary Sue make, Slash. A character without anything that could be considered "Mary Sue" would be incredibly boring.
Slash: That was...inspiring, actually.


Height: 5.6

Reason in jail: She was framed by her boyfriend for killing her own adoptive daughter,
Slash: God forbid she actually did the crime she was sentenced to death row for, like, you know, the two main characters. >____O
Cari: You do love that smiley, don't you? Also, I'll see your dead daughter and raise you two years of abuse.
and was left for dead. When the cops found her they sentenced her to death.
Cari: They're jerks like that.

Family: Dead, boyfriend she doesnt know if he is dead or alive.
Slash: That was probably going to come up later. We'll never know. >__>

Best known for: Sniping
Cari: Um...Slash? I'm a 38 year-old with short black hair and a specialty in sniping. Did you...am I a plagarized character? I'd better not be a fucking copy of whoever the fuck this is.
Slash: No, I swear to God I had you planned out before I saw this.


Personality: Quiet, kind, cautious, doesnt trust anyone that well since her boyfriend tryed to kill her.
Slash: I'm getting a Mary Sue vibe here.
Cari: There's no way. Also, the correct word is "tried".

How she was brought in the 7 brothers deal: Forced
Cari: ...? The7 were all dead by the end of the first game, so the story can't be a sequel like Last Stand or Dog Days...It must be a prequel or something, because there's no way-
Slash: You read the title, right? It's the first game with her character awkwardly shoved in.
Cari: ...You mean to tell me that...>______________O
Slash: *prepares rant* There are a number of things wrong with this. For those who don't know (all of you), the car taking the prisoners to the place that they were going to be executed was overturned thanks to The7. Kane was then helped by Lynch, who had also been a prisoner in there and was working with The7. He and The7's other men helped Kane escape, and they were probably the only prisoners who escaped due to the insane amounts of police who immediately showed up at the scene. So, unless Alice has superpowers, she would also have to be important enough to Lynch and/or The7 for them to take her along, too. Which is bullshit- what would they want with some random girl? Unless she enjoyed hunting or something, she wouldn't have any sniper skills, and either way they have other men who can do it just as well. Lynch was chosen as Kane's watchdog, and he was the only one who got a deal. There is absolutely no reason for The7 to give a shit about her.
Cari: Well, that was boring and pointless. Moving on...

Relationship: N/A (told you you have to read)
Cari: Too bad we'll never know.
Slash: Actually, from what the first chapter says we can safely assume it's Kane.
Cari: ...Horrible taste in men, I see.
Slash: You're not much better, Cari.
Cari: :/

Other info: Alice has a deep scar on her neck that she received trying to save her adoptive daughter, now she keeps it well hidden under a black ribbon or her shirt. Keeps a small knife hidden on her at all times.
Cari: A small knife hidden on her? Sounds like me...*glares at Slash*
Slash: Don't give me that look! It's a coincidence. Besides, you have, like, 100 more scars than that.
Cari: True...Also, why would anyone cut her on the back of the neck? Talk about fucking up an easy concept. When you slit someone's throat, you're supposed to do it from the front or it doesn't fucking work right.



Cari: Oh, I can see the difference between us now.
Slash: Actually, your original design was also based on Ada Wong. Even now, you are veeeery loosely based off of her.
Cari: ...Um, Slash? I look like this:
The only thing I have in common with Ada is short black hair.
Slash: That's why I said loosely.

Chapter 1

Alice waswalking up to herhome from her job at a cafe that was downtown.
Cari: Someone missed the space bar a couple of times, I see.
Slash: That's what happens when you have flippers for hands. Also, why can't you just say "a downtown cafe"?
When she unlocked the door she walked down the hall but then stoped when she smelled blood.
Cari: She stoped the fuck out of that hall.
She rounded a corner and she saw her adoptive daughter Ashley liying in a pool of her own blood.
Slash: Not entirely sure why she was liying in it. Now, if she had been lying in it...
"Al..ice...He.lp" Ashley whimpered.
Cari: Is that more ellipses in the middle of "help", or is that just a typo?
Slash: Ah, the mystery of it all...
"Ashley, what happened, oh my god" Alice said as she ran over to Ashleys side.
Slash: "Well, as you can plainly see, I was stabbed."
Cari: "Let me tell you, that shit hurts."
"I belive I can answer that" a man said from the doorway.
"David, what happened, help me get Ashley to a hospital" Alice said franticly now.
Cari: If her warning bells aren't sounding off at the ominous tone of it all, then she deserves what I'm sure is coming to her.
Slash: But Cari! David "belives" he can answer that! Besides, Alice is very franticly.
He didn't answer her, then Alice felt a sering pain
Cari: Well, at least it's not searing pain, because that would suck.
at the back of her neck.
"I belive that will not be necessary" david said smugly.
Slash: "But before I kill you, Mr. Bond..."
Alice fell to the ground in pain infront of Ashley.
"Ali..ce...mo..mmy" Ashley rasped out.
"David...why" was Alice could say before she blacked out from the pain.
Slash: Wimp.
Cari: I don't see why he couldn't just reach around and slit the front of her stupid neck. It wouldn't have taken more than 2 seconds, and if he'd done it we wouldn't be here right now.
The next thing thatAlice woke up to was a moving dark space. Her hands and feet were tied up and her mouth was taped.
Slash: Yeah, I hate it when I wake up to find myself bound and gagged in some guy's trunk, too.
She shifted and felt something sharp, she picked it up and heald it in her fist.
Slash: She held it? Or perhaps she healed it. She does have superpowers, after all.
She tryed to think of where Ashley was and if she was still alive and safe.
Cari: Uh, honey, if she was speaking in a hoarse whisper while soaking in her own blood, I doubt the "alive and safe" thing is a possibility.
Suddenly the car came to a stop making Alice panic for a moment before coming to a idea of playing dead untill he left.
Slash: Yeah, it's not like he'll check your pulse or see if you're breathing.
Cari: This guy is the worst killer ever. He cuts open the wrong part of the neck, then doesn't check to see if they're dead or just unconscious...Whatever.
The trunk flew open and she was picked up roughly and he shut the trunk.
Slash: Thank God we got to know if he shut the trunk again, that would have bugged me.
Alice heard the distant flowing of water near by and immediately knew that David was going to throw her in the water to kill her.
Cari: Wait, so he knows that you're alive?
Slash: How can something be both distant and nearby?
Cari: Why doesn't he just slit your throat?
Slash: Why doesn't he notice that you have a sharp object in your hand?
Cari: And I thought you went to great lengths to keep your characters alive.
Then she felt him let go of her and she fell into the cold water and fell into darkness.
Cari: It's got to be one or the other, I refuse to believe it's both.
Alice was awakened to by the jail door locks and the sound of 2 people entering the room.
Slash: Wait...How the hell did she survive being tied up and thrown into water?
Cari: It's easy to assume that she simply cut her arms free very quickly. Here's a better question. They either rescued you or you ran to them as soon as you could...so, seeing that you were soaked in water and injured, with marks on your arms from the rope, they accused you of the crime and sentenced you to death? Wow, your boyfriend must be some kind of criminal mastermind to pull that off.
She opened her eyes and lifted herself up so she was in a siting pose and looked over to find two gards.
Cari: I do love those wacky gards.
"It's time to go" one said with a hint of sadness.
Slash: Like they care about the murdering scum.
Alice only made a small nod of the head and stood up and quietly waited as the gards
Slash: Silly gards.
put handcuffs on her wrists. When they were done they lead her out of the room and whent to a reception desk.
Cari: This was clearly written by someone at least 5 years too young to play the game in question.
Slash: Well, I was only 13 when I began writing Last Stand...
Cari: Yeah, but you've made radical changes to the story ever since.
Slash: True.
Alice carefully took out theonly picture she had of Ashley and staired at it with emotionless eyes.
Slash: How emotionless.
Cari: Stoic, even.
Slash: I'm catching wind of a Sympathetic Sue here.
Cari: Which would have been weird in a game where both protagonists have had much, much worse things happen to them during their lives. Although the thought of Kane comforting anyone amuses me.
When they checked her out the lead Alice to a prisoner transport. Alice noticed when they opend the doors there were two men in there as well making Alice mentaly freze at the memorey.
Slash: Wow, ther wer a lt of tyops in that sntence...
Cari: There were...a lot of men in that transport vehicle, actually.
Alice got in and sat at the far corner away from them trying to make herself invisable to them.
Slash: Admittedly, that's what I'd do in the same situation.
Cari: The idea of her yelling "YOU DON'T SEE ME! I'M NOT HERE!" at them to make herself "invisable" makes this whole scene more amusing.
Slash: Quite. She seems stupid enough, at any rate.
The truck moved forward making Alice sigh in sadness as she counted down the seconds untill she was died.
Cari: That's, like, a "Full-Life Consequences" level grammatical error.
After about about a half anhour
Slash: A less serious error, more on the level of My Inner Life.
Cari: At least ~Link'sQueen~ knew where the space bar was...
they were nearing the next city, Alice was looking out the back window of the transport while thinking.
"Will it better for everyone if I'm dead, they didn't belive me even when I told them what happend,
Cari: Which still confuses me to no end.
Ashley, I will be in heven with you soon" Alice thought.
Cari: Bitch, you goin' straight to hell.
She glanced over to the men that were on the same road of death as she was.
Slash: The road to peredition!
Cari: You don't even know what peredition means, do you?
Slash: ...Shut up.
The first guy she noticed was a man in his early 40s looking sad as she was. At that moment she felt sorry for him, mabey he was in the same position she was in, used, abandonded.
Cari: Oh, don't worry about him, he's a traitorous mercenary on death row for killing more Venezuelan citizens than you can probably count, darling.
Slash: How many is that?
Cari: Eh, 25 or so.
Alice looked at the other man and got a not so good feeling from him,it was like this man could kill her in 10 seconds.
Slash: ...I'm not going to argue with that, actually.
Cari: I am. *pauses* He could do it in five.
Alice focused her attention back on the window before she was interupted when she heard on of them talking.
Cari: I refuse to believe that the giant armored car was commissioned just to hold three people.
Slash: There were at least ten in that damn thing.
"Mr. Kane...wake up...Mr.Kane" the one said.
"Is that the sad guys name then, well then whos the other guys name" Alice thought.
Slash: His name's Bob.
Cari: We call him Mr. Blonde.
The next thing that happend whent in slow motion, the sme guy that was talking to the man named Kane, justshouted for them both to cover their heads,
Slash: Lol? I could understand if when he yelled that, you overheard it and complied, but he wasn't yelling at you to do it. Lynch doesn't give a shit about who you are or if you live.
Cari: This is an alternate universe. The entire story must be twisted to serve Ms. Sue.
and as if right on que the whole truck shook and Alice's cuffs split and she was thrown somewhere in there.
Slash: Que? The correct word is "cue", pendejo.
Cari: How convenient. Your cuffs magically snapped.
She cringed as she hit the walls before finally landing on something soft but hard as well. Opening one eye she found that she landed on the guy named Kane who was uncontious.
Slash: I think she may have killed him or crushed his ribs or something.
Cari: I like her now.
Quickly getting off of him, Alice attemted to wake him by shaking him. She was forced from her thoughts when she herd gumshots.
Slash: Everybody duck! They're firing the Orbit! It's spearmint!
The other man who was in the truck came over and started to drag Kane out of the back of the truck.
Cari: M'kay. So that's it?
Slash: Yep.
Cari: I guess I'm glad it's over, but...I dunno. I wanted it to keep going for a few more chapters. I'd have liked to see how much she completely twisted everything in the game to suit Annie's interests. At the very least, I'd have preferred some closure to the story.
Slash: Oh, I can do that! *prepares writing utensils and a piece of paper*

Annie started to join them when a stray bullet hit her leg. Crying out, she fell to the ground. The other man was very busy- he had charged a police officer, beat him down, took his gun, and then shot him. She winced at the sight of mindless brutality, but she figured he could still help. After all, they were on the same side, right? And he had tried to help her before by telling her to duck, right? Right? It never occured to her that he might not have been talking to her at all, that she had simply overheard something that he had said to Kane.

He was beginning to walk back to Kane- she interrupted him by crawling over and grabbing onto his leg. He did not take kindly to this, and tried to shake her off.

"Get off!" he yelled angrily. He didn't have time for this.

"Please," she said, "please, I need your help. My name's Annie, I'm a prisoner, I-" She was interrupted by a terrible pain in the back of her head as he hit it with his shotgun.

"Get the fuck off or I'll shoot you!" he yelled, louder this time.

She paused. "You...you wouldn't...I mean, I was framed, I'm...I'm not supposed to die, you're supposed to help me just like that Kane fellow, I..."

Lynch was now somewhat confused as well as pissed off. What the hell was she talking about? Crazy bitch. He pointed the shotgun at her head.

It didn't take him ten seconds to kill her.

In fact, it barely took him one.

[slashprower]

All right, here's the next fun little story! I plumbed the depths of fanfiction.net for this one. It's "Love is deffinately blind", a Nightmare on Elm Street hurt/comfort fanfiction! I read through it! The second to last chapter features a sex scene between the author avatar and Krueger himself, and my brain may never recover from this trauma! It features a wildly out-of-character Krueger, the author's Mary Sue, and a blatant avatar of her friend!

Aiessa: I don't understand why people write stories about the master like this. I don't get the attraction. Perhaps they wish to die? *laughs*

Aiessa's here, because she's from a Nightmare on Elm Street fanfiction. She used to be okay, but about the halfway point she became an insane, cannibalistic puppet meant only to ensure her master's survival.

Slash: Nice spoilers, asshole.

Like you were going to get to writing it down anyway. Here's another spoiler: She and her brother were twins that Maggie/Katherine for the sixth movie gave birth to, making her Krueger's granddaughter, and also-

Slash: Shut up.

Aiessa: You're the narrator. Why are you talking to yourself?

Slash: ...Let's just get to the story.

_________________________

Prologue

There was only three things in the world he hated the most; caffeine, insomnia and hipnicil,
Slash: And Jason.
Aiessa: Don't even mention that name. Also, that drug is spelled "Hypnocil". I would know, I had to kill a ton of people who were using it.
and here they all were under HIS roof. Well what used to be his roof, all he knew was there was someone in his house that wasn't dreaming, and rarely ever even sleeping.
Slash: The only in-character moment right here: that probably would piss him off.
It drove him crazy, the fact that they had forgotten about him was enough, but to have a caffeine addicted insomniac teenagers who takes hipnicil for no reason living in his house pushed him over the edge.
Aiessa: Why are they taking it, then? Are they getting high off of it? They do know that too much puts you in a coma, right?
He didn't even have enough power to make these children fall asleep so he could find out just who they fuck they were.
Aiessa: The master's powers do not work that way. He can not pull someone into sleep, nor can he make people go into REM sleep afterwards if they are on Hypnocil.
He slammed his fist into the side of a boiler causing the cat walk he was standing on to quiver. He had to get out of the factory, but just using his dream powers made him weak now (I'm very sorry Freddy I love you )
Slash: Here's something I learned when I was twelve and writing Sonic fanfiction: Don't fucking put little notes in the middle of a story, it breaks flow like nobody's business. You have to be older than I was, so what's your excuse?
he ignored the fact and dream walked him self back to 1428.

She
Slash: Who?
Aiessa: Dead meat or Mary Sue, not sure which. Either way, delicious.
sat at her computer, slowly typing out a paper that was due tomorrow it was a few days till winter break and her teacher had told them to write a 14 page report on something that they were interested in, she'd chosen serial killers.
Slash: Cute.
She looked at the blank document in front of her and sighed. She opened the web browser and typed in and waited for it to load, she had high speed but it very rarely worked at a fast pace in this house as if some sort of barrier was around it.
Aiessa: I-
Slash: Don't worry, I got this one. FREDDY KRUEGER'S POWERS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. GOOD NIGHT.
She thought for a second and the typed into the search box 'Crystal Lake slasher' knowing full well who would pop up, and sure enough there he was, Jason Voorhees, her favorite.
Aiessa: Yeah well FUCK YOU. Stupid bitch, favoring the retarded man-child with mother issues...
She quickly read through all the information they had, and began her report. It didn't take her long to finish; before she knew it she had almost 20 pages of information on Jason.
Slash: "He died, his mom killed people, he killed people, he got a hockey mask, killed more people, had a movie where it wasn't him, got struck by lightning, fought a telepath, went on a boat, became a demon-worm, went IN SPAAACE, and fought Freddy Krueger. The end."
She continued looking through the pages that had come up, and spotted a name that just seemed like it didn't fit. "Fred Krueger" she said out loud, she tried to think of where she'd heard the name before. She shook her head and opened the page. It was a police report she bean reading, when she was done reading she could do nothing but laugh. "Killing children" she laughed "fucking pussy!"
Aiessa: FUCK. YOU.
Slash: This was worth it to see you get mad.
Aiessa: She's insulting my master. That's one thing I just can't stand. :/

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but Reilly's sexy ass (hahaha love you girl)
Aiessa: She owns herself?
Slash: Her friend, actually.
Aiessa: Kinky.

This chapter is a little slow I'm very sorry
Slash: No, you aren't.

Freddy paced back and forth in the living room of 1428 Elm Street
Aiessa: Master doesn't really pace.
he racked his brain about how to get at those little piggies in his house. He just couldn't come up with a way, till it clicked he could control the house slightly, make it look like there was a ghost maybe then they'd believe he was a ghost in the house and believe in him.
Aiessa: Master also doesn't make up stupid plans like this.
Slash: Eh, you make a ghost appear and they'll just call the Ghostbusters.

Also, Freddy can't alter the real world unless you're following the rules of the second and/or sixth movie, both of which sucked total ass.

"Reilly what the fuck are you babbling about?" the older teen asked walking over to the computer

"Some pussy killed a bunch of kids when he was alive"
Aiessa: *growls*

"Wow any one who kills kids is obviously a total sicko" she laughed

"Yah says here he came back in the nightmares of the kids of the parents who killed him"

"Yah right" she said walking away
Slash: Yah stop saying yah. The word is "yeah".

"DK, it says he lived in this house"
Slash: Her name is DK? She's Donkey Kong? Fucking awesome, man.

"Oooo I'm so scared, what's he going to do kill me in my sleep"
Aiessa: YES. HE IS.
DK said shaking as if she was scared. "I'm going to the store you want anything?"

"Nah, going to go to bed"
Slash: Good. Maybe you'll die.

"Ok" DK walked out of the house. She came back to a dark house; Reilly had obviously been asleep for a while, she walked up the stairs towards her room, but stopped dead when she heard heavy footsteps, "Reilly? That you?" no answer. T
Aiessa: Oh, I hope Master's killed her already and is going to kill you~
Slash: It's probably just a cat. It's always a cat.
he hairs on the back of her neck stood up, she spun around, no one. She started up the stairs again, footsteps closer this time. Again she stopped "Reilly if you're trying to scare me it's working" nothing, she was getting creped out now.
Slash: Mmm, crepes.
She made it to the top of the stairs, nothing no footsteps even the hairs on the back of her neck where back down. She walked into her room and flopped down on her bed 'maybe this house is haunted by Krueger,' she thought her nerves tingling with fear;
Aiessa: No shit.
she closed her eyes and was out like a burnt out bulb.
Slash: Well, the plan worked.
Aiessa: Now Master can eat her soul~

Freddy felt the dream world quiver slightly, and his eyes widened "My children have returned" he said happily.
Aiessa: Not how it works, but I'll give you a pass if you'll just die, Kong.
DK opened her eyes again finding it the same time as when she'd laid down, she stood up and opened her door a little. She peered out and found it exactly how it had been before she closed her door. She walked out slowly and quietly, she heard heavy footsteps downstairs "Hello?" she called down the stairs, no answer. She slowly made her way down the stairs and found no one there. She made her way quietly around the fist floor; she found the basement light on "weird" she said out loud "we never use the basement" she pushed the door open slightly, heat brushed against her. "We never use the fireplace down here" she said confused. She slowly made her way down the steps, the heat became worse and worse, sweat beaded on her forehead.
Aiessa: Master certainly is taking his time with her...
She slowly made her way down the steps, the heat became worse and worse, sweat beaded on her forehead, she wiped it away with the back of her hand. She finally got to the bottom stair after what felt like forever, she made her way towards the fireplace, flames licked at the outside metal that was slowly starting to glow red. She noticed a small girl playing in front of it,
Slash: Small girls are never good.
she rushed over "You shouldn't be playing around that" she said grabbing the girls wrist, she pulled her away, but when she looked down she found the girls arm in her hand and nothing else, she looked back to where she had been playing and found a pile of bones and nothing else.
Slash: Finally. This took too long.
She screamed and turned to run but ran into someone; she backed away and looked up at them. Her eyes widened when she realized his face was horribly burned, she screamed and turned to run when he raise his right hand that had a razor glove.
Aiessa: Master~ ^______^
She suddenly found her self in and old boiler room instead of her basement; she looked round and found herself alone once again.
Aiessa: ...Master would have killed her by now. .____.
Slash: *pats Aiessa on back* We'll see bloodshed soon, I'm sure...
She didn't take the chance of letting him find her again; she slowly started walking around the catwalks "calm yourself DK its just a dream" she said quietly to her self
Aiessa: *laughs* That's what they all say before they die.

"Is it now?" a deep voice said behind her. She spun around and came face to face with the horribly burnt man. She mind screamed
Slash: A telepath, I see.
but she kept quiet, no matter how bad she wanted to scream and run away.
Slash: She's stupid like that.
He took a step towards her; she took a step back the process went on until he became frustrated. "Why aren't you afraid?!" he yelled.
Aiessa: Master, she's an idiot. Put her out of her misery. Or you could turn her into a cockroach/human hybrid.
Slash: That was the best scene of that movie.

"Because I know how to control my emotions" she said quietly. He put a blade under her chin; she made a small noise but never broke eye contact
Aiessa: You are stupid.
Slash: Yeah, emotional control is great and all, but you might want to think about getting out of the supernatural killer's way.

"I could kill you right now, bitch. Did you think about that?"
Aiessa: Master, please do so~

"Yes I did. But I've been there, it doesn't scare me anymore" she said as the blade bit into her skin.
Both: Eh?

"What the fuck does that mean"
Slash: Seriously, what does that mean?

"It means I've been dead before, for a good 5 minutes. But they somehow brought me back. I'm not afraid to die again"
Slash: ...What the fuck?
Aiessa: Who cares?
she said matter of factly. He sighed and retracted his blade

"Got a name kid?" he sighed.
Aiessa: ...You are not my master. My master would have killed her, not asked her name ;-;
Slash: Well, this is all completely unbelievable.
She looked at him

"You just threatened to kill me and now you want to know my name"

"Yah, well I decided not to kill you. Now what's the name?"
Aiessa: Fake Master, that was not the best decision you've ever made.

"DK"

"The hell! Your mother named you DK?"
Aiessa: Master does not talk like this .______.
Slash: God damn it, this author is crazy and/or retarded.

"No, my mother named me Damien Leeann Knight; hence DK plus my friends seem to have named me Doom Kitty. You got a name?"
Slash: Doom Kitty sounds like a character that Jhonen Vasquez thought up in three seconds and discarded the idea as stupid.

"I'm sure you know what my name is" she looked at him for a few seconds

"Freddy" she said her eyes wide.

"The one and only" he said bowing.
Aiessa: I hate you, author. So much.
She just looked at him she didn't know what to say, what could you say to a serial killer?
Slash: Oh, I know! How about "oh shit, oh shit, please don't kill me oh fuck please i have a family etc. etc. I-"
Aiessa: Like that works.

"Reilly's not going to believe this" she whispered

"Reilly?" he said
Aiessa: I feel hatred and sadness at Master having to act this way ;-;
Slash: WHY DOES FREDDY KRUEGER SUDDENLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU

"My best friend and the person I live with. She's like obsessed with Voorhees, you know the Crystal Lake killer"
Aiessa: *grumble*

"Believe me I know who Voorhees is" he rolled his eyes "What does she see in old maggot head"
Aiessa: Master's reaction should have been a little more...shall we say, vehement.

"I don't know, but it's fucking annoying, I mean he can't talk, he's obviously limited in the cranium as his only way of killing is to slash his way through a crowd"
Slash: Something tells me that the only F13 movie you saw was Freddy vs. Jason. And while I will admit that I don't like Voorhees all that much myself, you're talking to the bastard son of 1000 maniacs as if he's your high school buddy.
Freddy laughed

"I like the way you think" he snapped his fingers and she found them in her living room only it was falling apart and looked like someone had beat the shit out of everything.
Slash: Why is the author making Krueger give a shit?

"Nice place" she said sarcastically, he scoffed
Aiessa: Hey bitch, I was stuck living there for a while, don't insult my home.

"Very funny" he said sitting down, she sat at the opposite end of the couch, feeling a little uneasy about having a conversation with a child killer.
Slash: OH A LITTLE UNEASY HMM WELL THAT'S JUST NATURAL CONSIDERING THAT HE KILLS PEOPLE PRECISELY YOUR AGE.
Aiessa: Master, for your sake I hope this is part of a bigger plan.
They sat there in silence for a little while "umm so when do you have to wake up?" he asked awkwardly
Aiessa: I think I'm going to start crying. My master is a demon who kills people in their sleep, not some awkward high school boy.

"I'll have to wake Reilly up for school; she has an issue with waking up on time" she said meekly
Slash: This is so implausible it's funny. Krueger would have killed you about six different times about now, each in amusing, varied ways.

"What time is that?"

"6:30am why?"

"Its 6:25" he said, looking away from her
Aiessa: Master does not know what the time is. Master does not have days and nights in his world unless he wishes. He has a vague concept of when it is day, because there are less people sleeping- however, he does not know the exact time.
Slash: Hm, you're dedicated.
Aiessa: I am. That's why this story annoys me.

"I see, so um how do I wake up?" she asked looking towards him

"There's really only 2 ways someone in the real world wakes you up, or your hurt yourself here" he tried not to look at her when he said the last one; over the course of the night he really had no desire to kill her or harm her in anyway.
Aiessa: I. HATE. YOU. Master always has a desire to kill people. I do not see why you should be exempt.
Slash: Way to develop this relationship. Your character spouted off some nonsense about dying, and suddenly she's Freddy Krueger's pal.
She looked at him and nodded; she took hold of his wrist and brought it towards her.

"What are you doing?" he asked watching her every move. She placed her thin fingers around one of his and dragged his blade across the palm of her hand
Slash: Krueger should have slit her neck; come on.
Aiessa: Is ANYONE going to die?

"See you later Freddy" she said smiling before disappearing.
Aiessa: YOU ARE A STUPID BITCH.
He sighed

"Alone again" he said looking around.
Slash: Should have taken her soul for power. Then you could leave and you wouldn't be so bored.

A/N: well there's chapter 2 of this little story Reilly will be in the next one more

Freddy: *smacks over the head* YOU MADE ME A WUSS
Aiessa: An understatement, Master. I shall disembowel her if you like.

Me:*holds head* I'm sorry, I love you but you couldn't just kill me there would be no story then moron
Slash: "So, I'm going to twist your character until nothing that fans like in you remains. Also, you will develop an attraction to my underage character. And by "attraction", I mean "relationship" instead of "raping her before killing her".

Freddy: *shifty eyes* oops he.. sorry *runs* DON"T HURT ME!!!!!!
Aiessa: Author, you are a bitch.


________________________

Aiessa: Fuck, that hurt. How many more chapters?

Slash: Um, 6.

Aiessa: Shit.

[slashprower]

We're back!

__________________________

Chapter 2

Freddy: I better be scarier in this chapter! Crosses arms like a 5 year old

Me: rolls eyes you're not exactly scary in the first place burn boy!

Freddy: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that! Turns back

Me: sticks out tongue at Freddy on with the story

Aiessa: Master, I'm so sorry about this.
Slash: ...this woman is deluded.

She opened her eyes and found herself back in her room; she looked out the window and found the sun rising slowly. The sky bright blue and the clouds a fluffy white. She sighed she hated days like this she wished it would rain or thunderstorm, she loved thunderstorms though she didn't like the threat of being struck by lightning.
Slash: EMOOOOOOOOO
Aiessa: Pssh, you're not so fond of sunny days yourself.
Slash: Yeah, but I prefer it to just be cloudy. Rain is too depressing.
Aiessa: Whatever.
She sighed and rolled out of bed, she walked across the hall and opened Reilly's door. "Shit head get up" she said shaking Reilly's sleeping form.
Slash: They live together?
Aiessa: Lesbians. I knew it!
A very caveman like grunt came from under the heavy blanket; she sighed and opened the blinds that had been pulled down tightly blacking the sun out. There was a groan from the girl as she slowly got up out of bed

"DAMIEN LEEANN KNIGHT!
Slash: LEEROY JEEEEENKINS
What the fuck did you do to your hand?!?!?!" Reilly yelled, Damien's eyes drifted towards her hand that was dripping blood onto the floor.
Aiessa: Maybe it's because you gashed your hand opoen with the Master's weapon?
Slash: She needs an alarm so she doesn't have to mutilate herself so much.
She raised it to look at it and found a deeper wound then she thought she had made, then she realized she'd done it in a dream how the hell was it there in real life.
Slash: Stop pretending like you care, it'll never come up since you derailed Krueger so much that he'll never hurt you.
Reilly was suddenly wrapping toilet paper around it "what the hell did you do that for?"

"I didn't even know it was there" she lied

"God you're a klutz, everyday it's a new cut or scrape, I swear you'd cut your head off if I wasn't here"
Slash: Dude, it's a fucking GASH IN HER HAND, her friend isn't curious about her vague answer?
Aiessa: I'm sure they cut themselves all the time.

"Maybe" she said, thinking back to her dream. 'Freddy didn't seem to want to kill me after I told him I'd already died once.. I wonder why that was' she thought.
Aiessa: Character derailment. Poor master...

"Are you even listening to me" Reilly demanded.

"What? Sorry spaced"

"Never mind, I'm going for a shower then going to school"

"K, have a nice day" Damien walked down the stairs and into the living room.
Slash: What, does this Damien chick not go to school? Bitch.
She picked up Reilly's project on Maggot head, as Freddy had called him,
Aiessa: Wrong. Master calls him something much worse.
Slash: What?
Aiessa: Can't tell you, it's not for your virgin ears.
she smiled she didn't know why she was smiling but it didn't stop her. She heard Reilly come down the stairs "Don't forget your project on maggot head" Reilly looked offended when she grabbed the project from her "Grow up, he's dead and it's not like your ever going to meet him, he'd kill you"
Slash: Nah, she'll derail him, too. You're fine.
Reilly stomped out of the house. Damien sighed she was in for it when she got home.

Reilly was pissed all the way to school; she slammed her report on the teacher's desk and sat down in her seat absolutely fuming.
Slash: Dude, I've been in arguments over who's better out of the two, and it's completely retaded to get worked up over it.

Of course, anyone who prefers Jason is a moron, but still.
She put her head down on her arms and slowly drifted to sleep. She opened her eyes again finding her self in an empty class room she looked around nervous.
Aiessa: My hopes of Master killing her are slim.
Slash: Mine are nonexistent.

Damien lay down on the couch and closed her eyes falling asleep quicker then ever. She found her self back in the blood red boiler room, she walked around "Freddy" she called, he didn't answer.
Slash: *sigh*
She walked around a little more, finding herself lost "Freddy I know you're here some where"

"That I am" he said appearing behind her, she jumped
Aiessa: Master please kill her please-

"Geez, don't do that I am human remember"

"Sorry, forgot you're the one I don't kill" he laughed,
Aiessa: DAMN IT.
she looked at him

"I wanted to ask you about that.....why all of a sudden don't you want to kill me. I mean you were ready to do it before I told you that I'd already died once"

"Well..I....." he didn't know what to say
Slash: That's because there's not a fucking satisfactory answer and the author's an idiot.

"You?" she looked at him

"I figured I'd keep you around because I thought you were interesting" he said looking away
Aiessa: Actually, people that Master finds interesting get to die in nice, elaborate ways.

"I see" they felt the dream world shudder,

"What was that?"

"You felt that?"

"Yah, why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know, just didn't think humans could feel the dream world shift and shit"
Aiessa: They can't. The author's an idiot.
Slash: Or her avatar's a Mary Sue.
Aiessa: Both.

"Oh what does it mean?"

"Just means another Elm street kid has falling asleep and entered my nightmare"

"Oh, are you going to kill them"

"Probably" he looked at her he was taken aback by the look of disgust on her face "I don't have to"
Aiessa: WRONG. WRONG. MASTER WOULD NOT REFUSE TO KILL SOMEONE BECAUSE YOU LOOKED AT HIM FUNNY. FUCK YOU.
Slash: I hate this fucking story.

"Well it's your nightmare" she said looking anywhere but at him, he grabbed her face with his ungloved hand
Slash: >____O Someone inform the author that Krueger's supposed to be physically repulsive.

"I wont kill them" he said, his face centimeters from her "but I am going to scare the shit out of them"
Aiessa: *sigh*

"Ok" she said, her eyes never leaving his, they stood like that for a minute before he pulled away

"Would you like to come watch?"

"Your not going to kill them right?"

"Right"
Aiessa: Please be lying, master.
Slash: Aiessa, whatever hopes you have of Krueger acting in character, just give them up.
Aiessa: ;-;

"Than sure" he held out his ungloved hand, she took his hand and watched him. He dream walked them into the kids dream. Damien found herself alone in hallway, she looked around "Freddy?" she asked quietly, she never did like being alone. She heard the pounding of feet a few hallways away. She walked towards the sound.

Reilly ran down the halls, after running into that burnt man she never looked back. She continued running never slowing down. She ran into a dead end hall "Fuck" she turned around and found him behind her.

"Welcome to my nightmare bitch" he laughed as he moved towards her.
Aiessa: Come on, please...

Damien followed the sound until she found Freddy walking towards someone, she ran towards him. She stopped when she saw who he was terrorizing "Reilly" she said out loud, he raised his glove as he got closer to her "Freddy no!!!" Damien yelled. He cursed as the girl disappeared; he looked back at Damien and walked towards her, she could tell he was pissed.
Aiessa: Did you just take Master's kill? Do you know how much that pisses him off? You're fucked now.

"What is your problem?" he asked pointing a blade at her
Aiessa: Master is rather calm today, I see. Normally he'd havemade a lovely decoration out of her intestines the moment she ruined his kill.

"I-I'm sorry, but that was Reilly I couldn't let you. You can kill me" she said looking at him with expressions he never wanted to see on her face, guilt and sadness.
Slash: You have still failed to explain why he would care. Also, Krueger should totally call her bluff.
He sighed

"I'm not going to kill you nor was I going to kill her. I told you I was only going to scare her" she looked up at him
Aiessa: HATE

"I'm sorry, I ..... I don't know why I did it; it just seemed like the right thing to do at the moment. In my mind I saw you slicing her into pieces and it scared me. She's the only person I have left that hasn't walked away from me and I need her to stay alive" tears pricked at the back of her eyes.
Aiessa: Yep, gay lovers. Knew it.

"Don't even think about crying" he warned

"Sorry" she said sniffing and forcing her tears back into their place.

[Reilly]

Guess who dropped in to say hello.

I assume no one is monitoring this thread for comments anymore, but this tickled me so. I was SCREAMING reading your commentary, and this is the only place that any of this story survives, other than in the NIGHTMARES of me and the "DK." Thank you for this!!

If anyone's interested, I was 14 and DK was 15 while this was being written, so please do forgive our... Whatever this is . My sequel is unarguably worse, and I'm glad it's been completely lost to time.

I do like Jason Voorhees, moreso now than then, as I had never seen a single Friday the 13th (nor Nightmare on Elm St.) film at this point in my life. Great slasher flix. Still wouldn't fuck Jason.

If you've got the rest saved anywhere, I'd love to see it!! Like I said, it's been YEARS.

Thanks!

Reilly (: