Stargate Quotes

[Darkest]

"What is an 'Oprah'?"
- Teal'c, "Emancipation"

"I have seen your world, I will need it!"
- Teal'c, denied permission to bring his staff weapon, "Cold Lazarus"

"Hathor was the Egyptian goddess of fertility, inebriety, and music."
"Sex, drugs, and rock and roll?"
- Daniel Jackson and Jack O'Neill, "Hathor"

"I wish you would stop calling us primitive."
"I'm sorry. I only meant technologically. You are anything but primitive, Samantha. What your mind doesn't know, your heart fills in."
"I don't know what that means, exactly, but it's beautiful."
"Which is exactly what it means."
- Carter and Narim of the Tollan, "Enigma"

"...and to determine the Goo-ald threat—"
"Excuse me Senator, I'm sorry there should be an apostrophe after the A before the U, it's pronounced..."
"Goa'uld."
- Senator Kinsey, O'Neill and Carter, "Politics"

"What now?"
"Now we die."
"Well, that's a bad plan. Where are the glider bays from here?"
- O'Neill and Brat'ac, "The Serpent's Lair"

"Understand this, there was once an alliance of four great races in the galaxy; the Asgard, the Nox—"
"Met them."
"—the Furlings—"
"Don't know them."
"…and the Ancients, the builders of the Stargates."
"That's a pretty heady group."
"The alliance was built over many millennia. Your race has much to prove before we may interact on that level... You have already taken the first steps towards becoming the fifth race.
- Jack meets the Asgard, "The Fifth Race"

"I wanna make sure you get one thing right. It's O'Neill, with two Ls. There's another Colonel O'Neil with only one L, he has no sense of humor at all."
- O'Neill, with a reporter, "Secrets"

"Alright, we came here in peace, we expect to go in one... piece."
- O'Neill, "Touchstone"

"We have a difference of opinion on just about everything!"
"Give me an example."
"I don't know - pick something. How.. How about.. How about mythology?"
"Rumours, lies, fairytales..."
"You see! See! Mythology is one of the primary motivations for cultural development."
- Daniel and O'Neill, "One False Step"

"It's hard to say."
"Some sort of state secret?"
"No, just difficult to pronounce."
- O'Neill and Thornberg, "1969"

"In the future Major, before you activate any device that includes the word reactor, I would appreciate it if you would notify me."
- General Hammond, after Carter's experiment sets off every alarm in the base, "Learning Curve"

"Found a flaw in your plan. We’re exactly one Zat gun short of actually having a Zat gun."
- O'Neill to Ares, "Dead Man's Switch"

"So you built your own Stargate?"
"Way smarter than we are..."
- Carter and Daniel, visiting Tollana, "Pretense"

"Colonel, you don't seem to understand how serious this matter is. You and your team have committed a court-martiable offence."
"To be fair, General, I did it. Carter and Daniel protested. And Teal'c… well he really didn't say anything but I could tell he was opposed to my actions by the way he cocked his head and sort of raised his eyebrow…"
- Hammond and O'Neill,"Shades of Grey"

"You're actually saying you need someone dumber than you are?"
"You may have come to the right place."
- Daniel and O'Neill, as the Asgard seek help, "Small Victories"

"The O'Neill was supposed to be our last great hope."
"The O'Neill?"
"Yes, it is the most advanced technological Asgard creation yet. It is the first Asgard vessel designed solely to fight in a war against the replicators."
- Thor and Sam, discussing the new Asgard flagship, "Small Victories"

"So, what's your impression of Alar?"
"That he is concealing something."
"Like what?"
"I am unsure. He is concealing it."
- O'Neill, not getting much from Teal'c, "The Other Side"

"When was the last time you heard Colonel O'Neill use terms like subspace field and geomagnetic storm? And he actually used them correctly…for the most part."
- Carter, "Window of Opportunity"

"Our home world was under attack. We were sent here to find allies, then we realized you weren't advanced enough to help up."
"Well, we have our moments."
- Martin and O'Neill, "Point of No Return"

"It's going to be me, Teal'c, and the great outdoors. That means no cell phones, no fax machines, not another living soul for miles. We'll be unavailable, inaccessible."
"Incommunicado."
"Minnesota, Sir. If there's an emergency back at the base, you better plan ahead and tell me now. If Thor needs me, he's going to have to beam me up! If the Tok'ra, forget it!"
- O'Neill, about to go fishing, "The Curse"

"There appears to be no fish here, O'Neill."
"It's not about the actual fish themselves. The fish are not important in this context, it's about fishing! The act of fishing."
- Teal'c and O'Neill, gone fishing, "The Curse"

"I told you to bury your Gate."
"Well you seem to think that solves a lot of problems dontcha?"
- O'Neill and O'Neill(v2), "Double Jeopardy"

"We must demonstrate to your people once and for all that Cronus is not a God."
"I assume you have a plan to back up that rather bold yet cryptic statement?"
- Teal'c and O'Neill(v2), "Double Jeopardy"

"I distinctly remember someone saying 'we're not going to make it'. I think we made it."
"I'm sorry, I over reacted. At the time, it looked very much like we weren't going to make it."
"Yes, well, maybe next time you'll just wait and see."
"And blow the last chance I might ever have to be right?"
- O'Neill and Jacob, "Enemies"

"I know we've been over this a few times, but in case you weren't listening, I am 100% sure... 99% sure... Apophis is dead."
- O'Neill, "Threshold"

"Carter? Any idea what this thing is yet?"
"No, sir, but the technology is very advanced,"
"So... what? Two hours?"
"Very advanced."
- O'Neill and Carter, "Ascension"

"Tense? Me? I'm not tense. Am I? When did you first notice?"
"As we met."
- Carter and O'Neill, "Ascension"

"Teal'c has seen it, what? If Teal'c likes it, it's got to be ok."
"You've never seen 'Star Wars'?"
"Well, you know me and sci-fi."
- O'Neill and Carter, "Ascension"

"So, now what?"
"I have read of a place where humans do battle in a ring of Jell-O."
- O'Neill and Teal'c, taking some leave, "Ascension"

"So you built one?"
"Sort of. This won't dial multiple addresses and will only create a wormhole once and probably burn out."
"And you ordered the materials on line?"
- Carter and Orlin, as she finds a stargate in her basement, "Ascension"

"We can work miracles! ...That's what it'll look like to them."
"That's what 'what' will look like to them?"
"Whatever Carter comes up with, I don't know."
- Daniel and O'Neill, "Red Sky"

"You must forgive Malkus. He has a suspicious nature and we have never before been visited by Elves."
"Elves?"
- Elrad and O'Neill, "Red Sky"

"You are the one called O'Neill? We named a warship after you... short-lived as it was."
- Freyr of the Asgard, "Red Sky"

"At the risk of sounding like the petulant, inferior race, why not?"
- O'Neill, diplomatic as ever with the Asgard, "Red Sky"

"It is our custom to welcome visitors with a drink. Will you join me?"
"It is our custom to drink. Of course,"
- Burrock and O'Neill, "Beast of Burden"
"Another world once destroyed themselves because we shared our technology with them. That's why we have so strongly resisted sharing what we know with more primitive societies."
"You know, we prefer 'less advanced' if you don't mind."
- Narim of the Tollan and O'Neill, "Between Two Fires"

"Greeting, Narim. Welcome home. Atmospheric control is active. Shall I prepare a mid day meal for you and your guests?"
"Is that my voice?"
"I'm sorry. I was hoping you wouldn't notice."
- Carter spots the obvious when she hears Narim's computer, "Between Two Fires"

"There seems to be an evil conspiracy among the Tollan Curia, whose apparent goal is to give us everything we ever wanted. That makes no sense."
- General Hammond, "Between Two Fires"

"It's not so easy when the fate of your planet is in your own hands... You are asking me to destroy my own world."
"I am asking you not to destroy Earth and God knows how many other planets to save your own ass. I'm asking you to do the right thing, and you know it."
- Narim and O'Neill, "Between Two Fires"

"They made a star? How?"
"Well, theoretically, by increasing the density of a sufficiently massive gas giant until a thermonuclear reaction could take place. In fact, Arthur C. Clarke posited—"
"Ambassador! You gotta be careful about the use of the word 'how', unless you really wanna know."
- Ambassador Faxon, Carter and O'Neill, "2001"

"I just hope we don't regret giving them those gate addresses,"
"I don't think we will, first one bein' a black hole, an' all. They get progressively darker after that. Carter, you alright?"
- Daniel and O'Neill, "2001"

"Do not make me look foolish by allowing yourself to be murdered."
- System Lord Yu, to Daniel, "Summit"

"A weapon of mass destruction can only be used for one thing. Now, you might think it will ensure peace and freedom, but I guarantee you it'll never have the effect you're hoping for until you use it, at least once."
- O'Neill to Jonas, "Meridian"

"Because it is so clear it takes a long time to realize it. If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago."
"Yeah, a monk at Kheb said that to me. I didn't know what it meant then and I still don't know now."
- Oma Desala and Daniel, "Meridian"

"How do I know what color to wear?"
"We call each other every morning."
- Jonas and Carter, "Redemption"

"Hammond is insisting SG-1 needs a sociopolitical nerd to offset our overwhelming coolness."
"Have you considered Jonas Quinn?"
"Now I know you've been practicing, but I still can't tell…is that a joke?"
- O'Neill and Teal'c, searching for a replacement for Daniel Jackson, "Redemption"

"No, you're both horribly wrong, both of you, but you gave me an idea."
- McKay, a real team player, "Redemption"

"For the record, I hate you."
"Well, it can't get any worse, then, can it?"
"Oh, no. I'm rapidly working up to despise."
- Carter and McKay, working to save the world, "Redemption"

"Sir, we can't call it the Enterprise."
"Why not?"
"The code name for the project is Prometheus. What’s wrong with that?"
"It’s a Greek tragedy. Who wants that?"
- Carter and O'Neill, "Unnatural Selection"

"The Celts were formidable warriors in their time. Their descendants may make valuable allies."
"You've seen Braveheart too often."
- Teal'c and O'Neill, "Forsaken"

"Colonel O'Neill doesn't trust us, does he?"
"Well, trust is something that you have to earn with us. Colonel O'Neill is less concerned with showing distrust."
"So, why are you helping us?"
"Well, it's the only way you make new friends. Take a chance on someone and hope they don't make you regret it."
- Corso and Carter, "Forsaken"

"No one can be a friend if you know not whether to trust them."
"Don't judge a book by its cover."
"Enemies promises were made to be broken."
"And yet, honesty is the best policy."
"He that has too many friends has none."
"Ah, but birds of a feather..."
"I'm unfamiliar with that story. What lesson does it teach?"
"It has to do with flocking…and togetherness…and…to be honest, I'm not that familiar with the particulars myself. The point is, we're not your enemy. Give us a chance to prove it."
- Shamda and O'Neill, in a duel of proverbs, "Fallen"

"It's not the lost city! That never made sense to me anyway. I mean, the tablet is written in ancient. How could they lose one of their own cities? And even if they did, why would they call it the lost city? They wouldn't. They would call it by its name, right? It's not the lost city. It's the city of the lost."
- Jonas may be on the right track, "Fallen"

"Did I just say 'all I know'?"
"Everyone turn away. I want no witnesses."
- Daniel and O'Neill, "Fallen"

Carter: "Our goal is to take out Anubis' new super weapon. It's what gives him a clear advantage over the rest of the Goa'uld mother ships. Now, we've received word from Teal'c that Yu has pledged to bring the full force of the remaining system lords' fleet down on Anubis once we've succeeded."
O'Neill: "Okay. Everyone who thinks this is absolutely an insane idea, raise your hand. Come on, be honest."
[Everyone, including Carter, eventually raise their hands]
- How the team agree on plans, "Fallen"

"All I'm saying — just for the record — this is the wackiest plan we've ever come up with."
"Wackier than strapping an active Stargate to the bottom of the X-302? Wackier than…than blowing up a sun?"
"Oh, yeah."
- O'Neill and Carter, "Fallen"

"Well, can't you do some kind of a keyword search?"
"Yeah? For what? Achilles?"
- Jonas and Daniel, scanning Anubis's computer, "Fallen"

"He can't be more than fifteen years old. Are you saying Colonel O'Neill has, somehow, regressed more than 30 years overnight?"
"Stranger things have happened."
"Name but one."
"Well, there was the time he got really old, the time he became a caveman, the time we all swapped bodies."
- Hammond, Daniel and Teal'c, "Fragile Balance"

"In the meantime, I suggest we try to make him as comfortable as possible."
"I'll go set up a PlayStation."
"You know, I think you two are enjoying this just a little too much."
"Well, you are kinda cute."
- Hammand, Carter and Young Jack, "Fragile Balance"

"I just found out that science fiction isn't fiction and... I don't know what's scarier, the fact that this is all true, or the fact that you're telling me."
- Dr Elizabeth Weir, "Lost City"

"Carter, you're one of this country's natural resources, if not national treasures."
- O'Neill, "Lost City"

"Well, have you got everything you need? I think there's still a sink in the kitchen."
"Is that a joke?"
"Perhaps. A bad one."
"Yes. Very bad. But I sense hope for you."
- Weir and O'Neil, "Lost City"

"It's the perfect analogy: Burns as Goa'uld."
- O'Neill, "The Lost City"

"I hope you like Guinness, I find it a refreshing substitute to... food."
- O'Neill playing host to General Hammond with an empty fridge, "The Lost City"

"We were attacked from space by an armada of alien ships. If that doesn't get us past our distrust of each other, what will?"
- Daniel, as Earth's nations work on a deal, "New Order"

"Yu?"
"Don't. Every joke, every pun, done to death, seriously."
- Weir and Daniel, discussing Lord Yu, "New Order"

"What good is it if the Asgard aren't actually available to protect anything?"
"At one time they were. More recently we've been trading on the threat. Kind of a big bluff."
"Well, Ba'al is about to call the bluff."
"Unfortunately, there's nothing we can do about that. Earth is safe so long as the Goa'uld think we can defend ourselves."
"But that's a bluff too."
"Yeah, more or less."
- Weir and Daniel, playing some high-stakes poker, "New Order"

"Your mind has been interfaced with the 'Daniel Jackson'."
"What?"
"What?"
"The name of Thor's ship is 'Daniel Jackson'."
- Thor, O'Neill, Daniel and Teal'c, aboard the 'Daniel Jackson', "New Order"

"General Hammond is being promoted. He'll be overseeing all things relating to Earth's defence on behalf of the Pentagon and Washington — the SGC, the 303 program, the Antartic site. Unofficially, it's being called, 'Homeworld Security'."
- Weir, "New Order"

"If you don't take the job, we could end up with someone much worse."
- Carter to O'Neill, "New Order"

"This tastes like chicken."
"What's wrong with that?"
"It's macaroni and cheese."
- Daniel and Carter, forced to tuck into combat rations

"Your world famous omlette??? What's in it?"
"Eggs... and there's a secret ingredient."
"It's beer, isn't it?"
- O'Neill plays host to Carter, this time he's well stocked up, "Citizen Joe"

"Wait a minute. Jack, you've been seeing parts of the life of a barber in Indiana for seven years, and you never mentioned it? ...You didn't find it the least bit odd?"
"Actually no. I found it quite relaxing."
- Daniel and O'Neill, "Citizen Joe"

"I'm not your type, more than a little disturbed I might be yours."
- Daniel to Vala as Kull Warrior, "Prometheus Unbound"

"I don't really like guns."
"Neither do I. How do you feel about explosives?"
"Those I like a little better."
- Carter and O'Neill, getting acquainted in an alternate timeline, "Moebius"

"Well this can't be good..."
"Why?"
"Where am I?"
"I killed you."
- Daniel, O'Neill and Teal'c, as the real and alternate SG1 meet, "Moebius"

"Walter, don't make me promote you!"
- General Landry, striking fear into his subordinates, "The Ties That Bind"

"The Goa'uld deceived us. The Ori's powers are pure!"
"And what is the measure of a god, Gerak? Is it the scope of their power, or how they choose to wield that power? Would a god who is prepared to lead us on the path of enlightenment so contradict this divine benevolence by destroying all those who refuse to believe in him?"
- Gerak and Teal'c, "The Fourth Horseman II"

"You can be damn sure they're already thinking up some other means of spreading fear and destruction through this galaxy."
"Yeah. That's why we call them the bad guys."
- Daniel and Mitchell, facing the Ori, "The Scourge"

"Mr. Woolsey, if I could go back in time — which admittedly is an opportunity I am occasionally presented with — I would have made sure that we left the base as scheduled."
- Carter, "The Scourge"

"I'm gonna help you find your own place."
"That would be unnecessary."
"Dude what are friends for?"
"For listening when they are told 'That would be unnecessary'."
- Mitchell and Teal'c, "The Scourge"

"So, we still doing movie night?"
"Already picked something out... 'Starship Troopers'."
- Daniel and Mitchell, "The Scourge"

"We're talking about a baby here, right?"
"Oh, she's been genetically altered. She'll be a fully grown figurehead in a day or so. If she takes after her mother, she'll have a pretty good figure, too."
"This is bad."
"You're telling me. Origin's about to become a lot more appealing to the males of this galaxy."
- Daniel and Vala, discussing Adria, "Flesh and Blood"

"That's when it hit me: Sir Gawain."
"Wasn't he one of the Knights who says 'Ni'?"
"He was a Knight of the Round Table."
- Daniel and Mitchell, mixing ancient legend and Monty Python, "Morpheus"

"The truth is, the Pentagon isn't willing to roll the dice on her."
- Landry, discussing the unreliable Vala with Daniel

"Like a kid who was up all night on Christmas Eve."
"I thought we imposed a moratorium on cultural references I wouldn't understand."
- Mitchell and Vala, "The Pegasus Project"

"It's just another mission, Jackson."
"One upon which the fate of the entire galaxy hangs in the balance."
"And he goes on those all the time."
- Mitchell and Vala

"He's mortally allergic to citrus. I keep one with me at all times."
- Sheppard, with some advice for Mitchell on how to motivate McKay

"This place is Daniel Disneyland."
- Mitchell, arriving in Atlantis

"You mean we just blew up an Ori ship?"
"By destroying a Wraith ship..."
"Indeed we did. Today we have achieved a great victory."
- McKay, Mitchell and Teal'c, with some intergalactic cooperation

"You do realise it was a vast cache of Ancient artefacts that got us into this mess with the Ori?"
- Cameron, trying to dissuade Daniel from another quest, "Bad Guys"

"There are worlds and races out there who do mean your people harm — but we're not one of them."
- Mitchell, after a disastrous first contact

"With my knowledge and your... pluckiness... we can accomplish a great deal."
- Ba'al, with an offer for SG1, "Dominion"

"The last time I was this bored I took hostages."
- Vala, not enjoying life on the Odyssey, "Unending"

"I've said it before but I'm all for fighting to the death, preferably if we have a plan that avoids the 'to the death' part."
- Mitchell

"How long is a 'while'?"
"I'm not sure but we have enough food and water for 3 months."
- Daniel and Carter

"I guess no matter what you do, at the end of the day, life is too short."
- Daniel, on the fate of the Asgards

"I know you guys all think I'm crazy but the truth is if I stop I will go crazy."
- Daniel, burying himself in the Asgard database

"If this works we'll only be dead for a few milliseconds..."
- Carter, with an insane plan

"50 or 60 years... Something interesting must have happened!"
- Vala

"Oh God..."
"Your gods cannot save you now Daniel Jackson."
"Ah, it's just a statement of general dissatisfaction."
- Daniel, held captive by a Prior, "The Ark of Truth"

McKay: "We need the Zed-Pee-Em to power the gate."
O'Neill: "Huh?"
Daniel: "Zee-Pee-Em. He's Canadian."
O'Neill (to McKay): I'm sorry.
- from "Rising"

"The weapon the Ancients built to defend this outpost."
"The who?"
"You do have security clearance to be here?"
"Yeah, yeah, General O'Neill just gave it to me."
"Then you don't even know about the Stargate."
"The what?"
- Beckett brings Sheppard up to speed, "Rising"

"I come from a galaxy far, far away."
- Sheppard, "Rising"

"Gateship 1? A little puddle jumper like this?"
"It's a ship, it goes through the gate. Gateship 1."
- Sheppard and Ford, on the maiden flight, "Rising"

"How come I never make friends like that?"
"You need to get out more."
"We're in another galaxy. How much more out can you get?"
- Beckett and McKay, "Rising"

Weir: "I'm still trying to understand, how you thought it was a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off a balcony."
McKay: "Oh, believe me that's not the first thing we tried."
Sheppard: "I shot him. In the leg."
McKay: "I'm invulnerable."
Weird: "Aren't you the one who's always spouting off about how proper and careful scientific procedure must be adhered to?"
McKay:"In-vul-ner-able!"
- It's amazing they are still alive in "Hide and Seek"

"Ever see a 20-kiloton nuclear explosion?"
"I have... Not up close."
- McKay and Sheppard, "Hide and Seek"

"You know, we still haven't named the planet yet. How about Atlantica; something like that?"
"I thought we agreed you weren't going to name anything anymore?"
- Ford and Sheppard, "Suspicion"

"I can't imagine it'd be any worse than their original homeworld."
"That could just be failure of imagination on your part."
- Bates and McKay, "Suspicion"

"I can't even begin to tell you how fascinating this is."
"Anthropologist fascinating, or actual fascinating?"
- Corrigan and Sheppard, "Suspicion"

"Converting a human body into energy and sending it millions of light years through a wormhole. Bloody insanity."
"Come on, how often do you get to travel to an alien planet?"
"I was already on an alien planet!"
- Beckett and Sheppard, "Poisoning The Well"

Weir: "Major, have you made any progress with your prisoner?"
Sheppard: "Not yet, but he just blinked."
McKay: "He blinked? What does that mean?"
Sheppard: "It means he's still holding on, but he's indicated to me that he may break soon."
McKay: "And he indicated this to you by blinking?"
Sheppard: "Yes."
- from "Poisonong The Well"

"The Geneva Convention prohibits experimentation on prisoners."
"Had the Wraith attended the Geneva Convention they would have tried to feed on everyone there."
- Dr Weir and Major Sheppard, "Poisoning The Well"

"An hour ago it hit me. Like Archimedes in the bathtub, Eureka! Except, I wasn't in the bathtub. I was on the couch watching a very strange 'Outer Limits' episode..."
- McKay, coming up with a plan, "Home"

"Major Sheppard seemed uniquely capable of manipulating his own fabricated reality."
"If I think about the scenarios I could've thought up, I'd kick myself... The dead people were a dead giveaway."
- Alien Lifeform and Sheppard, "Home"

"If only we had a magical tool that could slow down time. I foolishly left mine on Earth, did you bring yours?!"
"You know, you're not pleasant when you're like this, McKay."
"I'm always like this."
"My point exactly."
- McKay and Zalenka, "The Storm"

"I'd give us a better than 90%-"
"-70-"
"80% chance."
- McKay and Zalenka, calculating chance of success, "The Storm"

"You believe your people, who are not even of this galaxy, are closer to the Ancients than we are. Your arrogance is astounding."
- Koyla of the Genii, "The Storm"

"In case you hadn't noticed, I'm an extremely arrogant man. I think all my plans will work."
- Rodney McKay, when a plan doesn't come together, "The Eye"

"These things happen once every 20 years? How far in advance can we book days off?"
- Sheppard, planning for the next storm, "The Eye"

"You have not been practising... if this had been a real fight—"
"If this was really a fight I'd have shot you by now."
- Teyla puts Sheppard through some close combat training, "Stargate Atlantis"

"Get as far away from the nuclear explosion as possible? That's good advice Rodney."
- Sheppard, carrying out McKay's plan, "Stargate Atlantis"

"Sadly I understood that. Where did all those Saturday nights go?"
- McKay, regretting his ability to grasp technobabble, "Stargate Atlantis"

"Oh my god, he is Kirk..."
- McKay, as Sheppard romances an alien princess, "Sanctuary"

"And now I'm flirting with someone from another species..."
- Sheppard, enjoying the perks of exploring different galaxies, "Sanctuary"

"According to Einstein’s General Theory of Relativity, there’s nothing in the laws of physics to prevent it. Extremely difficult to achieve, mind you – you need the technology to manipulate black holes to create wormholes not only through points in space but time."
"Not to mention a really nice DeLorean."
"Don’t even get me started on that movie!"
- McKay and Shephard discuss time travel as only they can, "Before I Sleep"

"Ha! Ah, the bitter taste of ultimate failure, hmm?"
- McKay, hearing about Shephard's death in an alternate timeline, "Before I Sleep"

"There's nothing we can do."
"We could do a lot. It'd just be the last thing we ever do."
- Teyla and Shephard, watching a Wraith 'culling', "Stargate Atlantis"

"You need to protect the ZedPM at all costs ... and me."
- McKay, to the ZPM\his security escort, "The Siege #3"

"Can we submerge the city again?"
"It's a city, not a yo-yo."
- Caldwell and McKay, "The Siege #3"

"It's almost pretty, isn't it?"
- McKay, as the shield lights up under bombardment, "The Siege #3"

"How much time do you need?"
"A week."
"A couple of hours."
...
"A week? What, are you in a union?"
- Weir, looking for an estimate from Zelenka and McKay, "The Siege #3"

"Why don't you drop your gun? I know what you're like with weapons — I wouldn't want it accidentally going off while it's pointed at me."
- Ford to McKay, "Runner"

"Doctor Fumbles McStupid over here was in way over his head!"
"Yes, yes, I made a mistake trying to save your life. Now, do you want to try to fix it, or do you want to continue to berate me somewhat?"
"I'm perfectly capable of doing both at the same time."
- McKay and Zelenka, working as a team, "Duet"

"Don't try to talk me out of this — I may very well listen."
"Hold on, Rodney! I thought all the mice died?"
"Well, what are we — mice or men?
- McKay, about to try a risky experiment, "Duet"

"How ironic, then, to have been shot down by the cast of Braveheart."
- McKay, unimpressed by his captors, "Condemned"

"I was beginning to think you were afraid to fight."
"I'm just naturally lazy, but I will if I have to — and it's starting to look like we have to."
- Dex and Shephard, "Condemned"

"How's it coming, Rodney?"
"Slower than I expected, but faster than humanly possible."
- Shephard and McKay, with a progress report, "Condemned"

"You destroyed three quarters of a solar system!"
- Weir, dressing down McKay, "Trinity"

"Easy, now! You went to all that trouble to save my life, be a shame to kill me."
- McKay, trying to calm a confused Ellia, "Instinct"

"That's an excellent plan, Carson!"
"Aye, I wish it was."
"You can't do that in time."
"No, it'd take days."
"But you said Sheppard only had twenty-four hours before the damage the retrovirus was causing him would be irreparable."
"Exactly."
"Well, then, that's a terrible plan, Carson!"
- McKay and Beckett, "Conversion"

"Any way to figure out what they're saying?"
"Yes, of course — it says right here: 'Why is the smart one having to stop and answer so many questions?'"
- Sheppard and McKay, "Aurora"

"The thing is, Colonel Sheppard and I have sort of gotten into this habit of saving each other's lives, and it's my turn."
- McKay, "Aurora"

"You do not fear them?"
"The Wraith? Naah. Now clowns — that's another story."
- Neera and Sheppard, "The Hive"

"We had no means to fight the Wraith. We are a simple, peaceful people."
"We're peaceful too, but the good news is, we have the means to put up a helluva fight."
"You have fought the Wraith before?"
"Lots of times. Won some battles; lost some. War's not over by a long shot, but we're managing to hold our own."
"And the clowns?"
"'The clowns'? Oh, yeah, the clowns. We fight them too — entire armies, spilling out of Volkswagons. We do our best to fight them off, but they keep sending 'em in!"
- Neera and Sheppard, "The Hive"

"Why aren't you dead?"
"Ah, it's good to see you too, Rodney."
- McKay and Sheppard, after the battle, "The Hive"

"Yeah, MALP on a stick!"
- Sheppard, after McKay puts a camera on the end of a stick, "Epiphany"

"What *is* it with you and ascended women?"
- McKay, spotting a pattern with Sheppard, "Epiphany"

"I thought you said the Daedalus was too far away for our transmitter to reach?"
"It is, which is why we have to get closer. P4M-399. It's a tiny little planet right on the very outskirts of our galaxy, but if we can send a science team there through the Gate, they should be close enough to relay the information to the Daedalus and then they can... it's like 'Lord of the Rings'! You know, when they light all those signal fires on the mountain tops?"
- Landry and Lee, relaying a message, "Critical Mass"

"My personal feelings towards you, no matter what they may be, have nothing to do with this."
"Oh, please! Everything you do is motivated by personal feelings. You're driven by emotion, not reason. It's why I've always felt you're not capable of doing this job."
- Weir and Kavanagh, "Critical Mass"

"You're not Spanish, are you?"
"Oh, yes! Of the Barcelona McKays! If you don't mind..."
- Griffin and McKay, "Grace Under Pressure"

"I need to be the one on the surface saving the poor bastard stuck down here, not actually be the poor bastard stuck down here!"
- McKay, not quite displaying "Grace Under Pressure"

"You claim to be a creation of my mind and yet you are in no way dressed provocatively!"
- McKay, to 'Carter'

"Establishing good relations with our neighbours is not just about trade."
"Right, but do we need to make friends with every primitive agrarian society in the Pegasus galaxy?"
"Alright, that's enough. They can't all be planets with cool technology and open-minded women."
- Teyla, McKay and Sheppard, exploring a new world, "The Tower"

"Wow! I... I never see this coming!"
"You don't find me pleasing?"
- Sheppard and Mora, getting better acquainted

"Your beloved friend has nearly died and while he has had to face the imminent threat of death, your first concern is for the ZedPM? It's only natural!"
- McKay

"We got the drones, we got a few Jumpers; I even got the girl."
"You got the girl?!"
"Well, I mean I could have got the girl. I turned her down."
"...They didn't offer you King?"
"I turned that down too."
- Sheppard and Weir

"Doctor Weir is fine."
"Doctor Weir doesn't talk about herself in the third person."
- Weir\Phebus and Sheppard, "The Long Goodbye"

"I would just like to state for the record that it is astounding to me that, once again, I find myself in a position of having to save this city when you and your space marines can't figure out how to track down two people!"
- McKay to Caldwell

"I guess we're all gonna die."
"You're doing that on purpose! You're creating an impossible task that my ego will force me to overcome!"
- Sheppard and McKay, trapped and facing death again, "Inferno"

"We do not know all of its wonders, but I can only assume it possesses the capability for great destruction. Why would I hand over that capability to you?"
"Chancellor, don't take this as a threat in any way, but we already possess that capability. Now, having that ability and using it are two entirely different things."
- Chancellor Laikos and Weir, "Inferno"

"For the first time since the dawn of our race, there are too few of your kind to feed the waking Wraith. This has resulted in civil war. Hives are forming alliances. The strong are attacking the weak."
"Which are you?"
- Michael and Weir, "Allies"

"If we are to make this alliance work, we must both overcome the instincts that define us."
- Michael, "Allies"

"I did this. I'm responsible for the destruction of my own planet."
"If anyone was going to do it, it'd be you."
- McKay and Ronon, "No Man's Land"

"OK, let's say a magic fairy comes down and grants you one wish and we break out. Then what, huh? We're still in a hive, we're still travelling through hyperspace, probably in the massive void between our two galaxies where there aren't even planets, let alone Stargates. What then, huh? We fly home on the wings of imagination, is that what we do, Ronon?"
- McKay

"You're the one who says there's no way out of this. If we're already dead, I say we take them with us."
"I suppose I'd rather die as a hero than as a meal."
- Ronon and McKay

"I want to disable all firing safeties to enable the launch of every one of our missiles the moment we exit hyperspace."
"I'm not even sure that's possible."
"Make it possible, please."
- Caldwell and Kleinman, on the Daedalus

"Once we've seeded enough Stargates across the void between Pegasus and the Milky Way, we'll be able to take a Jumper from one to the other to the other until we reach the other side. That way, we won't tax the ZedPM, we won't be reliant on the Daedalus, and travel time between Earth and Atlantis will be cut from three weeks to thirty minutes."
"Very clever."
"Yes. Samantha Carter's idea."
- McKay and Teyla, "Irresistible"

"How could he not recognise the Gate address?"
"Do you know the symbols of every address of every planet we've been to?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact!"
- McKay and Sheppard, discussing Ronon, "Sateda"

"Have you seen a guy around? He looks like you, but he's got messy hair. I think I lost him somewhere. And a pretty girl and a caveman."
- McKay, deleriously remembering Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon

"Can you pick up a signal?"
"Oh, of course. If it sounds like it might be impossible, you look at me."
- Sheppard and McKay

"He's like a brother to me."
"Aye, a brother who got every gene you didn't, and vice-versa."
- McKay and Beckett, discussing Ronon

"You're a terrible shot."
"Oh, what, and you're Rambo now?!"
- Beckett and McKay

"Surprise, surprise. Look, why don't I just go on these missions by myself, hmm?"
- McKay, after being asked to pull another tech stunt, "Progeny"

"It's that look. That's the same look I get when I have a brilliant idea."
"How would you know how you looked?"
"Cause it's happened more than once in front of a mirror, OK?"
- McKay and Sheppard, observing Beckett in "The Real World"

"We must go faster, Rodney!"
"This is pretty much my top gear!"
- Teyla and McKay, "Common Ground"

"You are more like Wraith than you know."
"I'm not sure I like the sound of that."
"There is much about Wraith that you do not know, Sheppard."
- Sheppard and Wraith

"The gift of life is reserved only for our most devout worshippers... and our brothers."
- Wraith to Sheppard

"She was on a fast track to some pretty exciting grants, doing some interesting work. I mean, she was no me, of course, but she was at least a you."
- McKay, describing his sister to Carter, "McKay and Mrs. Miller"

"You work for the US government!?!"
"No, no, I work for an multi-national oversight advisory that, uh..."
- Jeanie and Rodney McKay

"Hello, little one."
- Rodney greets his young niece

"Now, I don't want to scare you, but you need to know the stakes. We are at war."
"Did you start it?"
- Rodney and Jeanie McKay

"She's married, and she's my sister... I know exactly what you're doing. I've seen that look before ... Kirk."
- Rodney, introducing Jeanie to Sheppard

"I give you the McKay-Carter Intergalactic Gate Bridge! Thirty-four Gates from both the Milky Way and Pegasus Gate systems have been strategically placed in the massive void between our two galaxies."
- McKay, in his element, "The Return"

"You're just mad you didn't get to fly the maiden voyage yourself."
"General, I am quite fond of both maidens and voyages. I mean, put the two together and..."
- Generals Landry and O'Neill

"Never thought I'd miss Rodney McKay being a member of my team!"
- Sheppard

"I've been doing a bit of writing – uh, working on my memoirs."
"Your memoirs? About your time in Atlantis? And on what planet did you expect to publish it?"
- Doctors Weir and Beckett

"It is impossible for them to harm us."
"I could use some enemies like that."
- Helia and O'Neill, discussing the replicators

"Hey you came back to rescue me."
"Hm, yes we did."
"Of course, next time consider brining Carter with you."
- O'Neill and Weir, after a McKay inspired rescue, "The Return"

"I just never feel safe in these things underwater."
"In space you're okay?"
"Yeah, I am. Of course, I am. Why wouldn't I be?"
- McKay and Sheppard, aboard a jumper, "Echoes"

"Rodney! Canadian Football League is a joke. Celine Dion is overrated. Zelenka is smarter than you are!"
- Sheppard, trying to get McKay's attention

"Shoot him!"
"Yeah... Just Kolya."
"The shooting will not stop then."
"She's right. We'll have to kill them all. I'm all right with that by the way."
- Lucius, Sheppard, Teyla and Dex, having a conversation, "Irresponsible"

"You want to hide?"
"We can call it 'strategic concealment'."
- Sheppard and McKay

"What else can you do besides telekinesis?"
"Well, super-hearing for one. And I'm not sure, but I think I may actually be getting smarter. It's hard to say for sure. Because I was pretty smart to start with, but, um, recently, I've been having some ideas that I don't think even I would have thought of before."
"Does superego count as a power?"
[Food arrives] "Oh, finally. Look! Keep it coming."
"We could also be dealing with a super-appetite, although it's hard to tell because he ate so much before."
- Sheppard and McKay, "The Tao of Rodney"

"We all agree the Ancients were pretty screwed up. All the ones I met were arrogant and condescending and not for good reason. Now they made giant mistakes and never fixed them."
- Sheppard

"There is something easier about this."
- Sheppard, on commnicating telepathically with Rodney

"It's basically an Ascend-o-Meter."
- McKay, on the brain scanning device

"Now stop talking so much here. You're rippling my pond."
- McKay, seeking silence

"I am at times a petty, vindictive, even a jealous man."
- McKay, to Zelenka

"I try not to let things I can't change bother me."
- Dex

"Is Sheppard still bugging you to let him use the Ascension device to turn himself into a superhero?"
- McKay to Weir

"Time for the how-screwed-we-are report."
- McKay, "The Ark"

"How much time do we have?"
"Before we burn up or before we suffocate?"
- Sheppard and McKay

"Personally, I'd rather die fighting."
"...Okay, look. If this rock burns up in the atmosphere, I'll fight you to the death myself. Deal?"
"You're on."
- Dex and Sheppard

"This isn't a date. This is... This is lunch. This is the mandatory refueling of our bodies. This is putting food in your mouth, chewing it, and having something more engaging than a wall sitting across from you. That's all it is. I mean, come on, you got to admit, I am much more appealing than a wall. No?"
- Branton to Weir, "Sunday"

"I said, 'I knew its last known location'. It is a mobile drilling station, remember?"
"If we don't find it soon, it's going to be your last known location."
- McKay and Ronon, "Submersion"

"It's been here a very, very, very long time."
"Yes, give or take a very."
- Zelenka and McKay

"Our prisoner isn't talking. Other than 'you're all about to die'."
"Which may or may not be an empty threat."
"And you've no way of knowing."
"She said it with a lot of confidence."
- The Gang

"She swam that far? What is she?"
"A formidable enemy."
- Sheppard and Zelenka

"You should be able to traverse the distance between here and the cruiser."
"You mean we."
- McKay and Sheppard

"Can you figure out the code or not?!"
"No! Not even if I stood here and tried for a million years. And we have... [looks at watch] just under a million years less than that."
- Sheppard and McKay

"She's not dying according to plan here!"
- McKay, after pumping a magazine into a Wraith

"We're not entirely sure as to the Wraith's reproductive methods."
"I don't want to be around to watch that film."
- McKay and Sheppard, "Vengeance"

"I'm reading a ton of life signs near you."
"Well, define 'ton' and define 'near'."
- McKay and Sheppard

"Look, asking me to do performance evaluations is ridiculous. I am the first person to admit I don't know who these people are, nor do I care to. Look, if you'd like, I can take you down the halls to the labs and just point at the people who annoy me more than the rest, but that's as useful as I get."
- McKay, "First Strike"

That's all for now, but if anyone has more, add them.